Global Madrasi

Appearances can be deceptive

2012-01-23T18:22:00.001+04:00

I was walking when I spotted that dark, stout man. He did not have a friendly look. “Beware,” alerted my mind. I moved faster, checking whether my purse and mobile were in my pocket. A few seconds later, I saw him trailing me. I walked faster. He did too. He was almost chasing me now.

“Take the bull by the horns,” said my inner voice.

I turned abruptly.

“Kya chahiye?" (What do you want?)

“Your money fell from your pocket.”

He thrust a 10 dirham note, smiled and walked away, even before I could murmur “Thanks.”

It was stupid of me to judge someone by outward appearance.

It reminded me of the Buddha story.

Some Tibetan monks were informed that a highway was being built and they had to relocate their shrine. A crane was brought to lift the huge clay Buddha. The figurine began to crack. A larger crane was needed, but that would arrive only the next day.

A storm was building at night and water began leaking from the roof. The monks tried to protect the clay Buddha from getting wet, but their attempts failed. It was then that the head priest noticed something strange. Amid the cracking clay, something was shining. The monks chiseled the clay carefully and what appeared stunned them. There stood an amazing gold Buddha.

As they say, there is a golden heart inside every human being (especially those visiting this blog!), covered by layers of clay in the form of ignorance.

Facebook magic

2012-01-19T10:57:00.002+04:00

With Kumar- A meeting after 28 yrs

I worked with Free Press Journal, Mumbai, in 1983, for a year (Started career). Kumar was my senior there. In one year, I moved to the TOI (17 years) and then to the Gulf. Kumar also moved to the Gulf. We lost touch for 28 years. Recently, our paths crossed virtually when we got in touch over FB. He invited us for dinner to Dubai. The Kumar family’s hospitality was admirable. He has three lovely daughters and a cheerful wife (Masha Allah). What a feel-good factor to get back in touch with good old (I mean young) friends.

‘Cruise tourism speeding ahead in UAE’

2012-01-17T20:21:00.001+04:00

I had a chance to visit “Brilliance of the Seas” cruise ship in Dubai on Sunday to write a report. Sorry about the length .http://www.gulftoday.ae/portal/c062f1f9-6fe9-4e3a-9c66-4c8de727f14b.aspx

Helen Beck

Royal Caribbean - brilliance centrum

Brilliance of the Seas - theater

DUBAI: Global recession has not bruised the cruise industry in the UAE and the best indication is a significant increase in guest volumes, according to an expert in the cruise tourism industry.
“The Royal Caribbean Cruises Middle East has witnessed an increase in bookings from the region for its global brands. From January through October 2011, the guest volume from the Middle East (ME) has increased more than 30 per cent compared to the same period last year. The UAE also saw the same growth level during the period,” says Helen Beck, Regional Director for Europe, Middle East and Africa, Royal Caribbean Cruises.
She insists this is a clear signal that the cruise market has moved from ‘niche’ to ‘mainstream’. Helen was speaking to a select group of journalists on board ‘Brilliance of the Seas’ on Sunday.
Asked about the impact the industry will face following the recent ‘Costa Concordia’ ship disaster in Italy which led to loss of lives, Helen echoed the statement of the European Cruise Council which said that “all members operate to the highest safety standards” around the world and “according to international maritime requirements.”
Saying that challenges are not new and the cruise sector always manages to weather the storms, she said, “the sector is turning recession-resilient by adopting various measures, like deployment changes and focus on strengths. I have been in this sector since 2000; and I have seen the business grow and grow.”
“We have been successful once again by achieving overall growth of 56 per cent of guest volume compared to 2010. This growth was achieved by all the nine countries in the Middle East that we represent,” she pointed out.
Cruise tourism is a key growth segment, which will bring great economic benefits to the region, increasing overall expenditure in the tourism sector and boosting the economy.
The Dubai Department of Tourism and Commerce Marketing (DTCM) figures vindicate what Helen cites as a ‘positive indication of growth.’
According to DTCM, cruise tourism saw an annual income of Dhs338 million in 2010 and is estimated to grow to Dhs837 million in 2015. This will see a yield of Dhs3.5 billion into the Dubai economy over those years.
The DTCM has also announced that Dubai closed the year 2011 by receiving a total of 135 cruise ships with 375,000 tourists, while the year 2012 is expected to bring in 150 cruise ships with about 425,000 passengers.
In May this year, Dubai Cruise Terminal was voted Middle East’s leading cruise port for the 4th straight year at the World Travel Awards after about 213,000 industry professionals participated in the voting process.
“We are pleased to see that the interest in cruising in the Middle East is growing year on year,” adds Lakshmi Durai, Executive Director Royal Caribbean International, Celebrity Cruises and Azamara Club Cruises Middle East.
“All markets in the region have contributed well to the success - even countries such as Bahrain and Egypt, which both faced many challenges due to the unrest, showed positive growth compared to last year.”
Durai says: “Approximately 70 per cent of all bookings from the region were made for European cruises. The second most popular destination for cruise travelers from the Middle East was the Caribbean. Being able to showcase our ship ‘Brilliance of the Seas’ - which is sailing in the Gulf now for the third season - to travel agents, media and corporates had a great impact on bookings and further strengthened the positioning of cruising as a holiday option for Middle Eastern guests.”
Asked about latest add-ons, Helen and Lakshmi explained: “To enhance cruising as a holiday option, Royal Caribbean Arabia recently re-launched its website. Through the intuitive navigation structure, all information can be assessed easily on the homepage and the impactful images provide an insight to Royal Caribbean International cruises and its plethora of amenities, entertainment options, food and beverage outlets, range of meeting facilities and celebration ideas.”
Additionally, Royal Caribbean Arabia has developed social media campaigns across platforms including Facebook, Twitter, Youtube and has created a blog so that customers can learn more about cruising, interact with Royal Caribbean Arabia and win exciting prizes through competitions on Facebook. “We have seen a rapid increase in the number of fans on our social media in less than a month through our competitions and posts, which also allows us to receive direct feedback,” Durai explained.

‘Let’s go Dutch’

2012-01-10T12:13:00.000+04:00

My Pakistani colleague was thrilled when a new Western editor invited him to his birthday party at a posh club in Dubai. My colleague reached the club in a taxi and had a gala time. He also carried a nice gift. When the party was over, the editor cheerfully declared, “Thanks buddies for joining. Let’s go Dutch.” My colleague had to pay for his food. He thanked his stars he did not overindulge.
I have also come across such situations. I did mention to you about the “sexy sanyasin” I wanted to interview for my newspaper in Mumbai. She suggested meeting at a classy coffee house in South Mumbai. She had coffee and snacks and when the bill arrived, used her smile charm.
“Shall I pay?”
“Oh, so nice of you RR.”
Nice of me? Bull. My salary was peanuts those days, as ever.
Talking of misers (hey I am not, ask my true friends), I know of a guy who walked two hours around midnight in Chennai to save taxi fare. Just when he was about to reach home, he realized his pocket had been picked at a roadside tea shop.
I also remember visiting a “maha kanjoos” (king of misers) relative. I entered the restroom and shouted at my wife to switch on the light from outside as I could not see anything. “Stupid, the light is already on,” she answered. I noticed a dim, tiny bulb that was less radiant than a candle. The relative was “saving on electricity bill” this way.

Love is blind, marriage is eye-opener

2012-01-04T12:42:00.001+04:00

When my handsome nephew rang up to say he liked a girl for marriage, I was happy. “But she is short. I am in a fix,” he added.
I realised my nephew is behind time.
Soon-to-be grooms fail to understand this is a new world. Now, it’s the girls who set terms for marriage. We, boys, used to do that for generations.
I heard a few real stories on these lines:
Some parents of girls make demands from marriage counsellors, like; Can you find a groom for my daughter? But he should not have parents.” “Please tell the groom’s relatives that my daughter will not cook. We do not want hassles later.”
“My daughter is career-focussed. Child should not be a priority.”
I also read an interesting incident. A boy and girl were engaged. The girl casually asked the boy whether he had a cook at home.
“Yes,”
“What happens when the cook takes leave?”
“You,” he said.
“What the heck does your mom do?”
The cheerful conversation ended in cancellation of marriage.
Remembered a silly joke:
Husband to wife: "I love your relatives. I like your mother-in-law better than mine."

Cheer…2012’s here

2011-12-31T11:40:00.000+04:00

Sending positive vibes and wishes to everyone visiting this blog: Let 2012 bring good health, peace and prosperity to you. Some blog buddies have been of tremendous help, motivating me personally and professionally. Thanks for that. I am sure our bond will strengthen further in the coming years. Stay connected. Love you guys and gals.

Noisy pest

2011-12-27T11:22:00.000+04:00

My dad has several good qualities, but one inappropriate trait I have inherited is loud voice.
A pest-control guy was supposed to reach my home from Dubai. I explained five times on phone how to reach my residence, but he kept asking the route repeatedly.
For the fifth time I asked him, “Do you know Al Khan bridge in Sharjah?”
“Yes.”
“As soon as you get down the bridge, don’t move right or in any other direction. The building is bang opposite the bridge.”
I received the sixth call.
“I have turned right. Now what?”
I told the guy to halt the vehicle wherever he was and walk towards my building.
Then I banged the phone muttering, “What a headache!”
“Ya. For us too, you noisy pest,” joked my colleagues who were disturbed by my yelling on the phone.
Talk of pests and I remembered a joke:
Hoping to teach a lesson to her mother-in-law, a woman put a cockroach on the party dress the lady was about to wear.
The MIL wore the dress, found the cockroach, shook it off and laughed. Her revenge plan was ready: A lizard.

Teacher 'passed away'

2011-12-21T13:13:00.000+04:00

The supervisor of an Indian school in Dubai entered a Grade X classroom expecting a serious session.
“Who’s India’s railway minister?” she asked.
“Pratibha Patil,” replied a student.
“That’s the president,” corrected the teacher.
As the class erupted in laughter, another student raised her hands.
“Ma’am, it’s Sonia Gandhi.”
“Enough. Who is the hero of the film Don2?" asked the teacher.
“Shah Rukh Khan,” this time the class replied in chorus.
School life is fun indeed.
A peon saw children making noise and told them, “Go to your seats and sit quiet. Our principal is rounding the school.”
As the children laughed over “rounding,” a boy told the peon, “Do not say rounding. It is wrong English. Say principal is rotating the school.”
I heard more such hilarious incidents.
A science instructor entered a classroom and asked the children, “Did any of you see the English teacher?”
“Ya ma’am,” replied a kid. “She just passed away that side.”

Ban bad thoughts

2011-12-20T11:41:00.001+04:00

Strangely, a court in Russia is about to decide on the Holy text of BhagvadGita. The text has taught me to love everyone irrespective of creed, colour, religion or social status.
Here are just a few points I love in the text:
One who is free from malice towards all beings, friendly and compassionate, forgiving and ever-contented.
One who is free from joy, envy, fear and anxiety.
He who neither rejoices, nor hates, nor grieves, nor desires.
One who is the same to foe and friend as well as honour and dishonour, cold and heat and pleasure and pain, who is free from attachment, to whom censure and praise are equal, who is silent, content with anything.
People with these attributes are dear to God.
Ban?
God, please save us from your followers.

Turmeric magic

2011-12-13T11:03:00.000+04:00

I just do not understand what constitutes good looks or beauty.
My wife bought an expensive T-shirt for me. When I went out wearing that, not a single friend reacted.
Last week, I bought a shirt at throwaway price. When I entered office, I was amazed at the reaction from friends. In fact, a colleague clicked a snap on his mobile saying that the shirt looked great.
People go to any extent to look better. Bald friend Bhagat used a lotion to cure baldness, only to be left with acid marks on his head.
Little boy RJ wanted to prove to girls that he was a grown-up boy. “I want to grow a nice, black moustache,” he told us. “Use turmeric paste,” we suggested. The next day, he appeared with his face covered in turmeric. Women use turmeric paste to keep off superfluous hair.
I heard an interesting story. A mother, with her hands and face bearing ugly burns marks, feeds her child. “You are repulsive,” the child tells the mom. “Do you know how this happened?” asks the mother. “You were an infant when our house was on fire. Everyone ran away, including your dad. I picked you up, covered you completely and got burnt.”
No wonder, Kahlil Gibran wrote: Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
Having said that, I should concede I enjoyed the compliments from friends. Include me in the hypocrites list.

Stunt rider vows to wow UAE

2011-12-04T16:19:00.000+04:00

(This is a report I wrote for our newspaper today)

From a humble soldier in Hungary to horse-stuntman in the UAE, Sandor Boros has galloped a long way. He has been a taxi driver, photographer and stunt performer in Hollywood movies, but it is his passion for all things equestrian that has brought him to Sharjah.
“I am old,” he says, but this 57-year-old man’s feats — performed with his horse Kagylo, an Arabian breed from Hungary — can easily match those performed by stuntmen in their thirties.
Even as the horse picks up speed, he stands majestically on it, cracking his whip loudly. He then rolls head-over-heels swiftly and makes the horse follow commands like ‘Lie down,’ ‘Sit’ and ‘Spin over.’
Boros has trained Kagylo to stand still at a particular place, tolerate loud noises/fire and even act dead, while he pulls its tail or walks over it. Standing on two simultaneously running horses has drawn much applause for him.
While transporting Kagylo by plane from Hungary to the UAE, the stuntman also arranged for a special saddle made exclusively for stunts where he needed to have a firm grip. At Dhs35,000, the saddle was “too expensive,” but he had little choice as “recession was biting Europe and there were not many jobs forthcoming.”
After ending his career as a soldier, Sandor turned a taxi driver only to find the everyday routine in a car boring. “It was then that I sought help from a friend to train as a stunt man and my life changed. I now have four decades of experience in sport and stunt photography too,” he points out.
Prior to taking up work three months ago as a horse trainer and stable manager at the Sharjah Equestrian Club, Sandor had a stint in Dubai working for the show, Al Saheel: A Thousand and One Horse Tales.
The show invited people from across the globe to tell their stories through their horses. Dramatic and funny, these were tales of man’s relationship with his horse and the continuity that has bound them together through the centuries. The different sections included classical Spanish dressage, stunt riding, pony humour, traditional “horse whispering,” plus specialist acts. The show was designed to attract those with no prior knowledge of horses as well as enthusiasts.
“Using my own specially trained horse, we performed two of these acts. One was comedy and the other to show the athletic skills of the horse and rider (trick riding),” explains Sandor.
There have been funny moments too. At a particular show, the horse that acted dead refused to wake up. After Sandor’s repeated prodding failed, he urged the audience for an applause. Within seconds, Kagylo was on its heels.
Adaptability has not proved to be a problem for the Arabian horse. “During winter, these horses grow longer hair offering a cosy coating. Summer too did not prove tough for my horse.”
Fluent in Hungarian, German, Italian and English, Boros has been a stunt performer in over 100 Hollywood films, some involving leading stars such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, Daniel Craig, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis. He also took part in the famous Apassionata horse show, which performs annually across Europe in 22 major cities.
The stunt master has clearly fallen in love with Sharjah. “This is a great city. The cultural diversity of the UAE is appealing. So I am here offering funny, stunt and trick riding horse shows for occasions like opening ceremonies, desert camps, birthday or wedding parties, school and company events.” What are his future plans?“I intend to start a stunt school in Sharjah,” he replies, even as the horse neighs. “See, Kagylo is saying it is a good idea.”

My friends are your friends

2011-12-02T17:45:00.000+04:00

On this 500^th post, I wish all visitors of this blog, the best of life – health, love, cheers, peace and prosperity. Plz remember, you have a friend who remembers you 24/7. His name is RR.

Don’t write off pencil power

2011-11-29T18:17:00.000+04:00

I was sharpening a pencil when my colleague said: “You must be among the rare few using a pencil in this modern age.”

I still use the pencil to make page corrections at office. I am an old timer in that. After all, I have seen the metamorphosis of the newspaper industry in over two decades from Hot metal (Letterpress) printing to Cut & Paste method and completely computerised system as of now.

There is a personal touch too. Whenever I had fights with my brother, I used to break his pencil or dip it in water. When I bought colour pencils for my daughter, she mostly used them on walls than papers. Also, I cannot rub off the image of my former boss with a pencil over his ears.

Hey, “pencil over the ear” reminds me of a joke I had read.

An accident occurs at a factory where a worker’s ear is ripped off by a machine. After a search, his colleagues pick up the chopped ear and tell him: “Here it is.”

“Not this,” he replied, “Mine had a pencil above.”

PS: I am told over 14 billion pencils are manufactured worldwide annually. It is best not to write off its strength.

Slapped by robot

2011-11-25T17:33:00.000+04:00

My friend Satyajit Chattopadhyay sent this Internet joke. I found it hilarious and am sure you will enjoy reading:

A man buys a Lie-detector robot that slaps people who lie.
He decided to test it at dinner:
Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)
Son: Okay I went to the movie!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)
Son: Okay I was watching porn.
Dad: What? When I was your age...I didn't even know what porn was! (robot slaps dad)

Mom: hahaha! after all he is your son!...

(robot slaps Mom)!!

Stronger than yesterday

2011-11-23T19:22:00.000+04:00

I was hearing an old Tamil song which went like: There are millions of people less fortunate than you. Think about that and feel peace.

How well put. Grumbling does not take us one inch forward. When we hit rock bottom, the only way back is UP!!! I have come across challenging situations and had thought it’s the end of the world. How stupid! Better to put on the music and dance with the Britney song, “I am stronger than yesterday.”

Sharing two real recent incidents:

* The mother was waiting with her 14-year-old daughter for the school bus on the ground floor of a Dubai tower and left her son unattended in the apartment. While waiting, she saw her son dangling off the flat’s window on the eighth floor. Turning hysterical, she rushed to her apartment, but the boy had already fallen off. The mother rushed down only to discover him lying in a pool of blood. She returned to her flat and jumped off the window, with her body landing on top of the son’s. The mother died instantly. And the girl remained in a state of shock.

* A 3-year-old ate leftover lasagna and lived with her mother’s body for two days until police came to the home in New Zealand. “Mummy won’t wake up,” little Shylah Silbery told police when they arrived. Police persuaded her to climb on a chair and open a chain on the door. The girl ate the lasagna and drank milk from the refrigerator and cuddled her teddy bear. She was there for that long, trying to wake up mum.

I have very special prayers for these two girls and others in such unimaginable situations. The rest of us better thank the Universe for giving us so much.

‘Let’s just dance - impromptu’

2011-11-21T16:30:00.001+04:00

(This is a report I wrote for our newspaper today).
http://www.gulftoday.ae/portal/20f4fbbe-3cc2-4a25-b05c-3d55a7bb01f2.aspx
DUBAI: If choreographer-couple Scott and Lisa Marshall have their way, Dubai and the rest of the UAE will rock to new scintillating tunes and “surprise” twists.
A flash mob organised by the duo at Dubai airport recently has become a Web sensation and the pair has now lined up “lots of gigs,” advising residents to “keep their eyes peeled!”
It was a rare spectacle at the airport, for it’s not every day that a shopper’s paradise turns into a dancing stage. It was then that the flash mob went into action — a group of 55 people broke into an impromptu dance, taking shoppers by surprise.
A flash mob is a group of people who suddenly break out into a dance routine in a public place, without the knowledge of anyone, then disperse, often for entertainment, satire or artistic expression.
The programme, which took weeks to arrange, was organised by the airport to promote the new DXB Connect Card, a pre-paid card designed for airport passengers.
The overwhelming response at the airport as also on the Internet came as a pleasant surprise to the organisers.
Scott and Lisa, who run Diverse Choreography, say they are committed to producing such first-class bespoke shows. “We choreograph and direct all varieties of entertainment ranging from TV and pop videos to theatre, corporate and fashion shows, hence the name Diverse Choreography.”
“In the three years we have been in Dubai, the business has grown immensely, so there will be more and more performing opportunities in the years to come, for sure! It is growing bigger by the day,” avers Lisa.
The couple have worked with established artists including Cher, Kylie Minogue, Pink, Dame Shirley Bassey, Vanessa Mae, Anastacia and Girl’s Aloud. They have also worked with the ITV and the BBC on shows such as The Royal Variety Performance, Brit Awards, American Music Awards, Top of the Pops and Eurovision Song contest.
In the UAE, they have choreographed events like the Middle East’s first annual Alternative Energy Awards, Diamond and Gold Commodities Conference - Jewellery show, an event hosted by Mubadala for Ferrari and F1, Shakira at the Emirates Palace and Lamborghini launch and fashion show.
Dancing may be fun, but there is always a hidden fear that life as a professional dancer or performer may not be lucrative. Lisa, however, rejects the contention. “For dancers, there are enough performing opportunities here to sustain. Various shows are held regularly for them to be involved with. Plus, a few of the dancers here teach for us at our school, so we always keep them busy.”
“At Diverse, choreography students are trained and offered several opportunities to perform with/for us throughout the year. The biggest is our show which we hold at The First Group Theatre in Dubai every May in which all students are involved.”
The dancers are recruited for different events. A few of them have been involved in events like DXB Connect flash mob, F1, Cirque de Souq, fashion shows for Harvey Nichols and many more.
Parents seem to be happy with the trend. “My two daughters have been training for over two years. I’ve seen them go from regular talented girls to disciplined performers for both musical theatre and dancing. My girls train for 6 to 7 hours a week and I have not once heard them complain about going, even on a Thursday evening when they sometimes miss social events with their friends,” comments Camilla Oberg.
Adds Amanda Savory, another parent: “My two daughters enjoy the classes so much that they are keen to take on additional sessions each year. I have seen a passion for dance, drama and singing develop in both girls. Their confidence has soared.”
Professional dancers say that the scene in Dubai is encouraging. Victoria works as a dancer and teacher for Diverse Performing Arts School. “I have been here for over three years. There are good opportunities out in the UAE to dance as the venues are stunning and this time of year is very busy for us. The dance scene has gotten bigger by the year,” she points out.
So much so, Scott and Lisa are now planning to open their own studio in the near future, their biggest project for now.
Will there be a flash mob in Sharjah too?“Come on, do not take the fun away,” laughs Lisa. “I think that would be a little too predictable. The appeal of a flash mob, is the ‘surprise’ element!”

Curse of poverty: Digest this

2011-11-16T19:57:00.000+04:00

It is an incident that cannot be deleted from my memory easily.

I was with my wife and daughter at the crowded food court of a famous Sharjah mall this weekend. Seated on the next table were three children with buckets of fast food, including chicken, Pepsi and fries.

They chatted and nibbled at the crunchy grub. In a short while, they rose and left, leaving a huge chunk of food scattered all over the table.

It was then that it happened.

A neatly dressed man in full sleeves, properly combed hair and just a newspaper on hand took over that seat.

He did not look anywhere else and quietly started sorting out the food. Leaving the empty covers aside, he picked up the leftover food and without any indicative expression on his face, started munching.

He then gulped the leftover soft drinks and repeatedly shook the chips pocket. There was disappointment there as it turned out to be empty.

The man then rose and headed to the rest room.

In a few minutes, he emerged again, looked casual and disappeared in the mall crowd.

Awkward moments-2

2011-11-13T12:07:00.000+04:00

Some of you may have missed this hilarious comment from my dear friend in Pakistan (Blog: Thinking). Thought I should share this as a post exactly as she wrote:
Once early morning...I woke up from deep sleep as someone was knocking at the door...continuously...I opened the door and closed it readily...when I returned to my bed...my beloved husband asked me who was there?...
I told him to go back to sleep as it was some the old beggar woman...but when the knock started again...more furiously...my beloved husband went to see...
After few hours when I opened my eyes to the sunlight...I came to know...that it was my mother in law...graciously offering us the breakfast...
ahh....I can't tell what happened NEXT...

Those awkward moments

2011-11-11T12:21:00.000+04:00

Three of us were discussing the embarrassing moments we had faced.
I started: A famous editor AS had joined our newspaper and was engrossed in a conversation with a colleague. There was a call on the landline and I did not hear the name properly.
I surmised it was for that editor and called him out loudly, “Boss, call for you.” He was surprised. “How come on landline!” He walked slowly and picked up the phone.
In a second, he returned the receiver saying “not for me.” His eyes did reflect the “You fool” look. Actually, that mumbling caller wanted to talk to me.
My second friend joined in:
“Your experience was better, mine is bitter. I had a fight with my girl friend. She was shouting at me and I could not take it anymore. I screamed at her for a couple of minutes - only to realise that she had cut off the phone much earlier.”
Both of you are lucky, said our third friend.
“I and Sam were standing at the loo and blasting our boss. When we were washing our hands, the toilet door opened and out emerged the boss.”
“OMG. Did he sack both of you?” we asked.
“Luckily, he had put on the mobile earphone and must have been listening to music. We presume so as there was no major repercussion.”

Don't imagine things

2011-11-09T11:30:00.000+04:00

My friend Viju Jacob is a naughty boy. He posted the above photo on FB.
I was gleefully imagining things, when I read his accompanying post:
“Of course they are a ladies pair of heels, you dirty minds!!!”

In defence of blogs

2011-11-07T18:04:00.002+04:00

Again my friend annoyed me by saying: “Shut your blog and use your time for something better.”

I want to answer him with Seema’s post.

I know Seema only through her blog. We have not interacted through chat or phone, though I have done so with many blog friends. We keep motivating each other with positive words. I think Seema’s post is an inspiration for those who feel negative and pessimistic in life.

Here it is exactly as in her blog: http://seema-huesoflife.blogspot.com

yyaaayyy!!!

I am happy to tell all my blogging buddies and to my dear blog, i got a job!
Now anyone on this earth would say, what great deal in that?
The reason why it is a great deal for me is, I had not taken up any job after I completed my studies. There were ample reasons for it. And I was happy being at home, atleast for some days. Then slowly i started getting frustrated, and a time arrived where I felt, i was not worth for a job. Buddies i tell you, don't ever be frustrated, depressed, feel worthless. It is the worst feeling you can ever have.
But then i don't know how, i got into a touch with a placement consultancy, he arranged an interview for me the same day. And i got selected in a very first attempt. I have stepped into an altogether different world. Its an MNC which is the leading one in the industry of travel and leisure. I have got a realization that its not a very flashy job when it comes to "PACKAGE". But its totally fine with me. I am here to learn, to get a good experience. And apart from that, monetary returns were not the only motivation why i have taken up this job. The other reasons are, that i get to live with my family, take good care of my mother, look after my home, live in my hometown...
These factors have motivated me enough to take up not-so flashy job, but i tell you i am learning a lot.
I am feeling so happy when i write this...and here i discover another hue of life, happiness is not a matter of things, its a matter of spirits!!!
P.S.: A special thanks to R. Ramesh, (of GLOBAL MADRASI), a blog buddy who has been so supporting and encouraging me to get through. Your comments are valuable to me! Thanks, once again!!

Footpath to foodpath

2011-11-04T18:45:00.001+04:00

'Dosa King' with former president Abdul Kalam

I had written about Ganapathy 12 years ago for The Times of India supplement when he started his Dosa Plaza outlet in Navi Mumbai. Now, this humble villager from Tamil Nadu has become the owner of the world’s largest dosa chain, including 3 in New Zealand, 2 in Dubai and several in India. I interviewed him again in Dubai last week for our Panorama magazine. I hope you find this inspiring.

http://gulftoday.ae/portal/ed278b8e-504b-45b3-ba5e-0c8219dd2bfd.aspx

It is the story of a man who literally started from scratch. Prem Ganapathy left his village in Tamil Nadu after a friend promised him a job in Mumbai, but found himself abandoned in the pulsating city. Penniless but not hopeless, Ganapathy started his professional life as a dishwasher and has churned out a success story that is as delicious as it is inspiring. His Dosa Plaza now has 40 outlets in India, three in New Zealand, one in Dubai and expanding in the UAE.
“For the first time in the UAE, we are offering 104 varieties of dosas. It is a sort of record. In a world increasingly dominated by junk food, people are looking out for something healthy that blends taste with quality and that’s where we step in,” explains Ganapathy, while chatting amid the hustle and bustle that characterises the Dosa Plaza outlet at Qusais.
Dosa or Dhosai is a type of pancake made from batter of rice and black lentils. It is a staple dish in the southern Indian states of Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka, Kerala and Tamil Nadu. It is also commonly known in Sri Lanka, Malaysia and Singapore. In Myanmar, it goes by the name “Toshay.”
At the Qusais outlet, dosas are offered with an international twist. People can choose from the 104 types of dosas on offer that include Chinese and Mexican-style fusions such as Schezwan dosa (Plain, Mushroom, Paneer), Mexi roll dosa, Paneer Chilly dosa and other uttappam/ pizza types, besides the traditional south Indian favourites.
“This is fast food on the go,” avers Ganapathy. “Our vision is to become the leading brand serving traditional south Indian cuisine worldwide with an oriental and Western taste, delivering quality food, efficient service and value for money.”
How well does the menu gel with the Arab taste?
“Quite a few Arabs visit us,” says Ganapathy gleefully. “Some hesitate after seeing the atypical, all-vegetarian menu. But we offer them samples and they get bowled over by the taste. Most Arabs prefer the Arabian Delight varieties that are less spicy. They also like salad-based dosas.”

The “Dosa King,” as he is fondly called by friends, is thoroughly delighted with the response in the UAE and is planning a Gulf-wide expansion. A new outlet will be opened in Sharjah and Abu Dhabi soon and also in Australia.
But he does worry that his novel recipes may be picked up by rival businesses. Hence, he decided to “trademark” 27 of his dosas across India.
Ganapathy’s has not been a life laid on a sugary path. In fact, he had to contend with scorching challenges. When he left his native village in Tuticorin and reached the never-sleep-city, Mumbai, he hardly imagined that a friend he trusted most would ditch him after promising a job. To add to his misery, he did not know the local language. After spending months as a dishwasher at a bakery in Mahim, he started serving tea to customers. As an enthusiastic employee, he kept a note of customers’ tastes and loved chatting with them.

A particular customer was moved by his dedication and offered him partnership for a tea shop in Vashi. The business was encouraging, but the owner indulged in foul play and refused to share profit. A dejected Ganapathy went back to his village, only to return after taking a minor loan from relatives.

This time he was more determined to make it big. He rented a roadside stall in Vashi and started serving dosas for nearly five years. The stall then expanded into a restaurant outside the crowded Vashi railway station. He widened the menu and injected innovation by bringing out several varieties of dosas. The eatery became popular and the local media highlighted his entrepreneurship. A young, Net-savvy relative helped him launch his website.
At the same time, McDonald’s opened its first outlet in the Vashi area. Inspired by its success story, Ganapathy was lured to the idea of franchises. This led to an impressive expansion. The restaurant grew from a single company-owned outlet to a chain by venturing and tying up with other companies throughout India. The restaurants are owned and operated through both company-owned and franchisee models, thus ensuring rapid growth.

It is not always that an enterprise is born from the wisdom of the corridors of a business school. Dedication, innovation and challenging spirit are what form a successful recipe. Ganapathy did not have to go to a B-school to learn all this. He gained his insights straight from the dusty but vibrant streets of Mumbai. And now, he is rightly reaping the sweet fruits of hard labour.

Chimpu outside the cage

2011-11-02T10:59:00.001+04:00

How does a short guy feel when he meets a tall person?” asked my colleague.
“He will feel the same way a bald person does when he chats with a long-haired dude,” I replied.
“I can tell you how an intelligent person feels when talking to a fool,” he continued.
“How?”
“The same way I feel right now talking to you,” he pulled my leg.
“I remembered and missed you yesterday evening,” I changed the subject.
“That’s sweet of you,” he was pleased.
“I was in the zoo,” I took my sweet revenge.
“Oh, was that you outside the chimpanzee’s cage at the zoo?” he continued.
Before I could reply, he snapped: “Someone was commenting the chimpu’s out of the cage and a man locked inside.”

HAPPY DIWALI

2011-10-26T10:42:00.000+04:00

Nice nuisance

2011-10-20T10:36:00.000+04:00

Tired of the daily routine, a friend sat on a park bench, shut his eyes and inhaled deep when another guy grabbed a seat next to him. In seconds, the other man’s cellphone buzzed a romantic tune. Oblivious of someone sitting next to him, the stranger talked loudly for several minutes.
Just yesterday, another friend complained about how a man disturbed an entire prayer session by not stopping the ring tone from buzzing.
When he wrote about this on the FB, the reactions ranged from: “Cell phones should be banned during a prayer session,” and “I cannot understand why people bring it everywhere.” A third person opined: “Someone must have told him about the vibrations!” One comment differed: “If you are in deep prayer or meditation, why should a cellphone sound affect you?”
Are cellphones a pain in the neck?
I would gladly say “yes,” but I cannot dare dump my phone in the sea. After all, she had gifted it to me.
Now, do not ask who she is!
It is definitely not some blog friend. Blog friends have not become so large-hearted yet.

What have you done, David!

2011-10-12T11:47:00.002+04:00

David was happy to see me late in the afternoon.
“You have come to Dubai. You cannot go without visiting home,” he dragged me.
He was preparing tea when the bell rang.
“Hi sweetie,” he hugged her.
It was his wife, returning from school after a hard day’s labour.
“This is RR,” David introduced me.
“Hi,” she said without any interest and turned to David.
“What have you done to the house? I told you to keep it spick and span. You have made a mess.”
“Darlinggg,” he tried to appease her.
“What darling, barling? Don’t touch me David,” she shrugged. “Can’t you see I am sweating all over? There is inspection at school and you know I am going through hell.”
David looked at me like a cat from whose mouth a delicious rat had been snatched.
“You know boss. Teachers have a low pay, high tension job.”
“Ya, my wife is also a teacher,” I consoled him.
By that time, his wife had reached the kitchen.
“Daviddd..,” she yelled.
“Now what?” I murmured.
The milk on the stove had spilled over.
I looked at David sympathetically and took to my heels.

Top to bottom

2011-10-08T10:06:00.003+04:00

Last week I had a chance to visit ‘At.mosphere,' Dubai, recognised as the world's ‘Highest Restaurant from Ground Level" by The Guinness World Records. Kindly allow me to show off. Hey, photo clicked by my dear friend and ace lensman Nisham Manaf.

Complex couples

2011-10-07T21:12:00.001+04:00

This is an expanded report of a blog post for our magazine Panorama (Oct.7, 2011) Sorry about the length:
Abdul Rehman runs a photo studio in Sharjah. Buoyed by the business boom, he decided to tie the knot. The marital bliss, however, turned out to be brief as he was exposed to a peculiar habit that his wife had developed. If any of her demands were rejected, she would wake up at midnight and create a scene by cutting her wrist or threatening to jump off the window. Rehman's wedlock fast snapped into a deadlock.

Anil Nayar of Dubai recently returned home from office with his brand-new Land Cruiser, all pumped up with joy. Three nights later, his possessive wife deflated his newly-found happiness after learning that he had dropped a female colleague home the same evening. What started as a midnight chat on the subject ended in a fight with the couple not talking to each other for the next three days.

Marriage is a complex subject. Psychologists caution that taking a partner for granted can prove costly for couples, especially in these days of unabashed materialism. With individual ambitions on the rise, so are stress levels. Reports indicate that with more and more couples bickering over trivial matters, household finances have become a burning cause for discord.

Dr Raymond H. Hamden, Clinical & Forensic Psychologist, Human Relations Institute, Dubai, is not surprised. “In fact, rarely do couples fight over big issues. Most of the time, petty matters pile up and lead to a crisis in relations.”

Dr Hamden suggests that couples should learn to balance their lives. “They need to communicate effectively. One should not tell the other ‘my way is the only way.’ There should be a clear interaction without any emotional garbage.”

“Complex couple” is a term in vogue, to define a pair whose relationship has landed in troubled waters for unclear reasons, says psychologist R. Hassan. “The term may be new, but the problem has been prevalent since ages. People have started talking about it more openly these days," he says.

According to the psychologist, irrational expectations from each other, more often than not, lead to trouble brewing in a marriage. The situation can be addressed by both parties talking and spending quality time together, maybe by going on a vacation.

After this has been tried and a solution is not forthcoming, the problem could be intrinsically psychological in nature, over which individuals have little control. In such cases, a visit by either, preferably both, to a counsellor or clinical psychologist could prove beneficial.

In some cases, people fail to realise that they could be suffering from some psychological disorder until matters turn too complicated to handle.

Ashish works in a multinational company. A handsome and cheerful guy, he was naturally disposed to interact with colleagues and friends, especially females. His wife, however, took objection. When the matter came to head, relatives suggested that the couple take a vacation. The attempt though proved futile and the bickering continued.

The entire family was distressed until a well-wisher suggested that the couple visit a clinical psychologist. It was then that the wife was diagnosed as suffering from a “Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD).

PPD is a condition characterised by excessive distrust and suspicion of others. The disorder is diagnosed only when these behaviours become persistent and reach distressing levels.

It is not always women who are the cause of conflict. There are several instances where chauvinistic men cause a relationship to collapse with their biased attitude.

The result of discord can be varying. There are instances of couples who have been married for long, but not talking to each other. Surprisingly, they may even be having children and stay together only for the sake of the child.

Says Hassan: “All marriages will face marital conflict at varying degrees. Couples should learn how to handle these problems effectively. The impact of modern-day stress can be devastating if couples do not learn to cement a formidable understanding.”

Interestingly, while marriages in the UAE have steadily increased over the past few years thanks to economic progress, the number of divorce cases has also shown a sharp increase.

A report by the National Bureau of Statistics gave no figures for 2010 but according to the state Marriage Fund, divorces remained high through 2010 as economic uncertainty loomed large.

From 13,001 in 2005, total marriages in the UAE rose to 13,190 in 2006 and 13,321 in 2007 before jumping to 15,041 in 2008 to record their highest annual growth rate of 12.9 per cent. Marriages continued to rise in the following year but at a much slower rate of 0.8 per cent to reach 15,175.

The report showed divorces dropped from 3,638 in 2005 to 3,335 in 2006 before surging to 3,761 in 2007. They rose by about 2.5 per cent to 3,855 in 2008 before jumping by 23 per cent to 4,760 in 2009.

The Marriage Fund said that more than a fifth of the marriages involving national spouses in the UAE ended with divorce in 2010, maintaining the countryÕs status as having the highest divorce rate in the region.

“The bottomline,” experts agree, “is that couples should love and trust each other. There should be no comparisons. They should spend enough time together and be lavish in the appreciation of each other.”

(Some of the names have been changed to protect identities).

Super comment

2011-10-06T12:08:00.002+04:00

Hey, I like this comment about Steve Jobs post by dear friend Madhulika..so sharing it:
3 apples changed the world..
One that tempted Eve..
Second that fell on Newton..
And third is this Apple ;)

You did great Job, Steve

2011-10-06T08:46:00.000+04:00

I wrote this post on Steve Jobs on Jan24, 2009. This guy, I will miss him, his inspiring words.
He is an amazing guy, this Chief Executive Officer of Apple Inc. Steve Jobs. What an inspiration, his words. Jobs, who had successful surgery for a rare form of pancreatic cancer in 2004, had said he would remain CEO while seeking a "simple" treatment for a hormone imbalance.
He then said recently he would take medical leave in June, after learning that his health problems were "more complex" than he originally thought.
Here are just four quotations of his I am sure you will enjoy reading. They are inspiration tonic.
* The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it."
* Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
* There's a phrase in Buddhism, 'Beginner's mind.' It's wonderful to have a beginner's mind."
* I would trade all of my technology for an afternoon with Socrates.
I had written another post about Jobs on Sept5, 2010:
I was telling another grumpy guy about how Apple’s Steve Jobs struggled in his early days. Jobs’ biological mom put him for adoption. “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” she had asked. He didn’t have a dorm room and slept on floor in friends’ room. He returned Coke bottles and would walk seven miles every Sunday night to get a good meal at the Hare Krsna temple in the US. The Whole Earth Catalogue carried a line: Stay hungry, stay foolish. This line had a deep impact on Jobs.

Cycle of joy

2011-09-27T19:42:00.000+04:00

Today I grabbed a bicycle from a friend and went on a jolly ride around our building. I love the bicycle. It is sad that Sharjah roads are not friendly towards cyclists.

When I returned the cycle, I remembered an incident.

I was covering a news report long ago for our paper about a new, long bridge connecting Mumbai with Navi Mumbai over the sea. I requested GD, a famous photographer of The Times of India, to click a snap. He told me to meet him at the site and asked, “Do you have your own vehicle?”

“Yes,” I replied.

When I reached the spot, he had already finished taking the photos and told me, “Let’s go. Where’s your vehicle?”

I pointed at my bicycle carrier and told him, “Sit.”

I still remember his furious face and the way he screamed, “Whattt? This is a vehicle for you?”

Obviously, he had thought I would be reaching in a car or motorbike.

Have you heard this joke?

A cyclist dashed against a pedestrian and instantly said: “You are lucky.”

“Nonsense, why am I lucky?” asked the injured guy.

“Yesterday I was riding a truck.”

Makes me think

2011-09-21T10:52:00.000+04:00

While browsing the Net, I came across a compilation of touching snippets at Makes Me Think (MMT) website. It really made me think. Goes to show the value of love and affection. Just picked a few anecdotes to share with you:
• Today, after I watched my dog get run over by a car, I sat on the side of the road holding him and crying. And just before he died, he licked the tears off my face. MMT
• Today, while I was driving my grandfather to his doctor’s appointment, I complained about hitting 2 red lights in a row. My grandfather chuckled and said, “You always complain about the red lights, but you never celebrate the green ones.” MMT
• Today, my close friend died unexpectedly in a car accident. A cab driver saw me crying outside the hospital all alone at 3AM. He stopped, helped me into the cab, drove me to my house 30 miles away and refused to let me pay him. MMT
• Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe. He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy. Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating. The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.” MMT
• Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try! You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product. Amateurs started Google and Apple. Professionals built the Titanic.” MMT
• Today, I was walking past a group of homeless men who live near my complex. A cab pulled up next to the men and the driver opened up the rear door and pulled out two huge grocery bags full of food. He set them down next to the group of men, got in his cab and drove off without saying a word. MMT
• Today, I was in line at the store behind a man holding a dozen roses. When he got up to the cashier’s counter, he realized that the cashier looked sad. The man smiled and said, “I’m buying 11 of these roses for my wife.” And then he handed the cashier the 12th rose. She smiled from ear to ear. MMT

A couple of complex couples

2011-09-16T10:59:00.000+04:00

I asked a friend whether he opted for love marriage or arranged.
“You want to know whether I opted for suicide or murder?” he joked.
Marriage indeed is a complex subject.
I know a couple married for long, but never talk to each other. They even have a son. When I entered their home, the husband moved out quickly without uttering a word. Wonder how they live together without talking to each other for so many years.
Another friend’s wife had a peculiar habit. She will make certain demands. If refused, she will wake up at night and create a scene by cutting her wrist.
A close buddy recently bought a Land Cruiser. His wife refused to talk to him for three days. Reason: The guy allowed a female colleague to sit on the front seat next to him while dropping her home.
When I tried to convince her, she snapped: “Will your wife allow a girl to sit next to you in your new car?”
“First, I do not have a car. Second, if my wife had been so possessive…,” I stopped and thanked God.
The subject also reminds me of a joke from the Internet.
“Doctor, any medicine for long life?”
“Get married.”
“How will it help?”
“You will forget need for long life.”

Bee happy

2011-09-10T11:28:00.001+04:00

“Bye, honey,” said the husband to his wife on the TV show, and I imitated the lines to my wife, picking up my bag to leave for office.
My mind kept whirling around the magnificent insect, honey bee.
How many of us know that to make just one teaspoon of honey, bees need to travel about 1,250 kilometres (roughly Mumbai-Chennai distance) and visit more than 40,000 flowers?
I heard a spiritualist say: One should extract happiness from life as the bee extracts nectar from flowers. The bee flaps its wings and a sort of warmth is created around the flower. The insect then extracts only as much nectar as is needed so as not to harm the flower or cause any pain.
If someone asks who is your favourite music composer, better answer Bee-thovan.

Pacino, the lucky boy

2011-09-06T13:00:00.001+04:00

At a time when I was celebrating my hero Al Pacino’s successful “patao”ing (flirting) of the attractive Lucila Sola, I received a call from a beauty in Dubai.
“Hi brother.”
Brotherrrr?!!?
Enough. Pretty women should stop uttering this word. What say handsome boys out there?

Power of smile: Being 45 at 65

2011-09-04T12:33:00.001+04:00

"Hi,” he extended his hand and I could feel an iron grip. He looked a man of 45 but was a full 65 years of age.
“It’s amazing you have maintained so well. What’s the secret?” I asked spontaneously.
“I do not miss my gym and refuse to allow anyone to take away my smile. Hey, congratulate me, I just got married,” said the Canadian. I did.

For those who want to live life full, age is no bar, whether it is a teen like me, or the elderly like him.

I also met another friend. She has a beautiful face and an enviable hip. She’s rich and works in a neighbouring country. But there’s something missing. That smile of the Canadian. In fact, she suffered from optimism deficiency.

“How’s life?” I asked and she replied: “Oh, don’t ask me. I am so depressed.”

Toxic company is hazardous. I wanted to run. Yet, she’s my dear friend. So, I told her: “When you feel down, remember people like Steve Jobs. Given away in adoption by Syrian dad, this hero fights cancer. See where he has taken the Apple company.”

She smiled. I think I won, at least for that moment.
Talking about age, here’s a joke I heard:

“Doctor, I have pain in my right (leg) knee.”

“Oh, blame it on age.”
“But I have no pain in my left knee!”

Stress buster

2011-08-30T12:09:00.000+04:00

I reached my friend’s home and could hear his loud laughter even at the door.

“Laughter is a powerful stress reducer,” he said opening the door.

“Is it? Let me also laugh,” I tried, but ended up braying. The envious neighbours were not amused and my friend had to shut the door instantly.

His lecture continued. Stress can cause heart disease, hair loss and even cancer. Listed among the most stressful jobs were surgeon, pilot, photojournalist and real estate agent. Interestingly, the least stressful jobs were listed as dietician, astronomer and systems analyst. Experts agree that the primary reason for stress is money.

“Why do you talk so much about stress today?” I asked.

“It started like this,” he explained. “I had gone to the saloon for a Salman Khan-style cut. The Malayalam TV channel was on and the barber, who was engrossed in Kerala political news, not only messed up my handsome look, but also gave me a cut in the chin.”

“It is OK. Bruce Willis will definitely envy your hairstyle,” I consoled him, handing him a chocolate bar.

“Wow,” he grabbed it.

“In case you do not know, dark chocolates can cut stress hormone levels,” I laughed quietly this time. Shhhh…The neighbours should not hear.

A dip of joy

2011-08-27T11:30:00.003+04:00

(This is a report written for our magazine about Dubai Atlantis)

It’s a dive that washes off Dhs2,500 from your pocket in an hour, but you ultimately emerge from a massive tank containing 65,000 species of sharks, rays and fish with a thunderous “Wowww.”

This is about the Ultimate Dive, an exhilarating experience that many Emiratis and other nationalities are signing up for at Atlantis, the Palm.

“Just a few months ago when we launched the programme, we had reserved this unique dive only for our guests, but repeated requests from others forced a change of mind,” says Steve Kaiser, Vice-President, Marine Science and Engineering at the hotel.

In one instance, a person who had booked in another prominent Dubai hotel had apparently sought permission to take part. “Though he was ready to pay, we could not allow him as he was not our guest,” stated Steve. The enthusiast additionally booked a room in the Atlantis merely to participate in the Ultimate Dive.
Steve oversees the design and development of the new water attractions at the resort. He is responsible for the entire eco-system of the Ambassador Lagoon, the 11 million litre marine habitat with 65,000 marine animals and The Lost Chambers, a mystical labyrinth of Atlantean ruins with numerous exotic fish and aquatic exhibits.
Opened in 2008, Atlantis utilises the 46 hectares site with 17 hectares of water park amusement, further marine and entertainment attractions.
Every day brings new challenges for Steve’s team and along with some touching moments.
Steve’s team burst in joy this month when a String Ray gave birth to four little ones. Surprisingly, one is a special baby with a slight deformity, though, thankfully, she behaves as normally as the other three.
The String Ray was growing bigger and fatter, and the department was not sure whether she was pregnant or growing “just fat.” The honeymoon had been captured on video.

The Ultimate Dive package includes two half-hour exclusive plunges in the largest open air marine habitat exhibit in the world. For every person taking the plunge, there are two divers. The minimum age is 10 and the participants need a diving certificate.

The first is sort of a familiarisation leap, where one can submerge in the depths of the lagoon, explore the ancient ruins and species of the Arabian Gulf.
Refreshments and a full Arabic meze are then offered along with a briefing for the second dive.
It is during the second dive that one can experience the thrill of feeding the rays by hand. There are a maximum of four divers per session.
“The dive into the 11.5-million litre lagoon where one is guaranteed to glide alongside sharks, rays, wrasse, guitarfish and so much more, is a seven-star experience,” asserts Steve.
The fish are mostly species from the Gulf waters. But it is not that all the fish are a symbol of perfect unity. They do fight among themselves at times and get injured. The wounded and sick species are taken care of in a separate ward equipped with treatment facilities.

Steve’s colleague, Robert Pennett, says most participants are nervous initially. “But then they start enjoying. We have one guy coming from Abu Dhabi who visits every three, four months. An Emirati participant has visited five times. We like his enthusiasm,” he says. “Some of the species here cannot be seen in any other part of the world. We have experts exclaiming ‘what’s that?’ It is amazing. It is a huge pride for the UAE,” affirms Steve.

They call him ‘Fish Man’

His name is Steve Kaiser, but his colleagues and friends call him “Fish Man.” He does not mind it.
Extending his wet hands, Steve, Vice-President, Marine Science and Engineering at Atlantis, The Palm, says: “I fished with my dad when I was young. I had a fishing boat. I had opportunities in other fields, but stayed here. I love fish. So call me ‘fish guy’ and I am OK with that.”
Sporting a brown shirt dotted with graphics of sharks, the Hawaii-born says he does not often wear suits.
“Do you always wear such a shirt with fish designs?” I asked eagerly.
“Of course,” he shoots off. “I have 50 to 60 such shirts.”
Wherever he visits, Steve picks up shirts with fish designs. “Even in Dubai, I spot such shirts and pick them up instantly. It is my luck. I walk into a store and I find them.”
Once he had to wear a suit and his friends wondered how he had appeared without the fish. He smiled and flashed his tie. It had fish design on it.
Steve’s passion for the floating species is visible as his eyes widen with joy at the very mention of the word “fish.”
“The fish are my family. Ours is a very large aquarium. I’m more concerned with the health and welfare of my animals than anything else. I consider the 65,000 fish as my family,” reveals Steve.
At the end of day, he has to maintain all the equipment, feed animals and nurture them, which is a huge responsibility.
Prior to joining the Atlantis team, Kaiser oversaw the development of the new fish and marine attractions at the $1 billion Phase III expansion of Atlantis, Paradise Island in The Bahamas which opened in March 2007.

He was instrumental in the design of The Dig, an imaginative journey into ancient Atlantis; the Ruins lagoon, filled with Atlantis artefacts and home to over 20,000 deep reef fish; a replica of a Mayan Temple with five thrilling waterslides that propel riders through acrylic tunnels submerged in shark lagoons; as well as other water slides, swimming pools and lagoons.

Whilst in Hawaii, he was the first to successfully display a large number of shark species never exhibited before, as well as starting a captive breeding and “head starting” programme for green sea turtles.

http://gulftoday.ae/portal/6a2a3b64-0ab5-4cd7-81de-3f13dce5b9c9.aspx

Bother-in-law

2011-08-22T20:00:00.003+04:00

Do you know Mother-in-law is an anagram for Woman Hitler?” asked my friend.

“OMG. Has your MIL landed at home?” I sympathised with him.

“Don’t ask,” he started his story. “She wants to visit every mall in Dubai; she wants to check out on all types of food.”

“Don’t cry. At least, your wife will be happy,” I consoled him.

“Nope. In fact, she is more worried and furious,” he replied.

“Why?”

“Coz my sister is landing tomorrow.”

Remembered reading this joke: I picked my MIL up at the airport last night. Shucks, these airport lounges are so dark.

We are with you, Anna

2011-08-17T11:48:00.001+04:00

I just opened my mail box and was touched by two comments from two dear blog friends.

Amrit Wadhwa wrote from the US: “We are organizing a Candle Light Vigil in our area in support of Anna and in support of Anti-Corruption movement. We have called the local print media. Can you help us to get a line in an Indian newspaper?”

There are quite a few top journalists who visit this blog of mine and FB. Please see if you can suggest Amrit as he is on a noble cause.

Another dear friend Anupama Mazumdar was earlier upset with Anna’s supporters and had doubts about the movement. She wrote: “Just removed my blog on Anna. I guess it’s time to support the old man, and air our personal views later.”

How sweet. I am happy for India and democracy.

Anna himself is corrupt, said a friend.

“Really?” I asked. “If he is corrupt, he will be the first victim of his own movement. Does it not sound sweet?”

PM is a very good man, said another.
Really? I asked and read out a news report. “Prime Minister Manmohan Singh addressed the Lok Sabha and justified the police crackdown on the anti-corruption crusader Anna Hazare.”

In fact, as a “Honest” prime minister, is it not Mr Singh who should have been in Anna’s shoes!

‘Dirty and dark like Tamilians’

2011-08-15T18:42:00.000+04:00

Thanks Wikipedia

A couple of angry friends asked why I did not write against US vice-consul Maureen Chao who said she felt "dirty and dark like Tamilians" after a long train journey.

In a funny coincidence, US Secretary Hillary Clinton recently visited Tamil Nadu and declared that the US-India partnership was based on shared values of democracy, liberty and respect for religious and cultural diversity.

The same Chao had said: “As a student I chose India, fascinated by its culture and religion. I was amazed at the graciousness of the people.”

Therefore, the best way to punish Chao is to forgive her. That way Tamils can stand taller.

As Ann Landers said, "Hate is like an acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is stored." The key to best health is a “let go” habit.

About Tamil/ians from Wikipedia: Tamil is one of the longest surviving classical languages in the world. The Tamil literature has existed for over 2,000 years. Tamil language inscriptions written c. 1st century BCE and 2nd century CE have been discovered in Egypt, Sri Lanka and Thailand. Tamilians are an ethnic group native to Tamil Nadu and the northeastern region of Sri Lanka. Historic and post 19th century emigrant communities are also found across the world, notably Malaysia, Singapore, Mauritius, South Africa, Australia, Canada, Reunion (France) and the UK.

Indians hammered

2011-08-12T13:08:00.000+04:00

“Riots continue in Birmingham, England. 11 aggressive youths were mauling 11 timid Indians while thousands watched!!!,” read a Facebook post written by my friend Viju Jacob.

Stunned, I responded, “Oh my God.”

There were others too who were shocked and reacted instantly.

“Spot on. If it was boxing, they would have stopped the bout,” wrote PK Madhavan.

“These are the brave men who defeated the Nazis. Now they can't even defend their own houses and citizens against an angry mob. Poor Brittania,” wrote Rik Corijn.
“We have a history of being ruled,” was Ajit Kumar’s angry response.
Viju Jacob did not let the subject boil and broke his silence.

“I was talking about cricket where England is hammering the Indians,” he declared.

Walk with helmet on head

2011-08-08T17:42:00.001+04:00

Again an experience yesterday like the one I mentioned earlier.

I was talking with our building cleaner near the gate entrance when a plastic cover filled with muck, including leftover food, orange and melon skin, landed close to us with a thud. A woman passing by had her dress spoilt and dust splashed all over her head. She looked dejectedly at us, even as the cleaner hurled abuses looking at a particular window.

“This shameless guy on the 9th floor. I warned him several times, but he does not care,” the cleaner complained.
He then asked, “Do you know what happened last week?”
“What?”
“A teenage boy from the 12th floor threw two tube lights from the window. The pieces of the shattered bulbs scattered all over parked cars. A car owner lodged a complaint and the family was taken to police station for questioning.”

Recently, a guest-pest’s child was running around at home and threw an orange peel from the window. I warned him not to (his mom did not like the way I threatened her sweetheart). After five minutes, the monster came close to me. I thought he will give an affectionate hug; instead he took a peel near my eyes and squashed it. I shouted in pain and he laughed in joy.

Talking of guests, I remember the Mulla Nasruddin joke.

“Please have dates,” Mulla told the guest.
“No thanks, I already had five.”
“Actually you had ten so far,” Mulla replied.

Beauty hypes raise eyebrows

2011-08-02T21:50:00.000+04:00

My dear friend was angry.

“Tell, your daughter not to call me ‘aunty’,” she warned.

“I will. Even I hate someone calling me ‘uncle’,” I tried to console her.

This friend is genuinely young and gorgeous, so it is legitimate anger.

However, I think the “look young” rage is dipping to crazy levels among some. One person I know goes to a Middle Eastern country often to have facial and other surgeries, spending thousands of dollars. I have seen her going through painful times.

There are others who use all kinds of creams. A friend bought an expensive weight loss machine last month, which he now uses as a cloth hanger. One guy shaves two times a day to look “bright.” Another lets his jeans hang down his hip. We call him “low-hip” hero.

I feel nothing can match physical exercises or yoga. Walk, run or try skipping. No pain, no gain. This pain is better than an injection from a doctor, right?

You might have heard this joke:

“How old are you?”

“Forty.”

“You said that five years ago.”

“I always stand by what I say.”

My friend is your friend-1

2011-07-29T18:09:00.002+04:00

It’s always a pleasure to catch up with a dear friend, and that too after years. Saisuresh Sivaswamy is a popular name in journalistic circles and he is now Editorial Director of Rediff.com. Hard working, humble, great sense of humour…hey, he has many plus points buddy. Sai is on a visit to Dubai from Mumbai and we had Kerala-style lunch yesterday. Awesome pal Viju Jacob was also with us. We enjoyed the lunch but we missed you guys and gals. Where the heck were you all?

Sleep like a snail, work like a bee

2011-07-27T19:36:00.000+04:00

The friend came close and did what I dislike most –Yawn – with his mouth wide open like a hippopotamus.

Seeing my discomfort, he said, “I did not sleep well last night.”

“If you open your mouth too wide, you can dislocate your jaw joint. Normally, you should be able to insert three fingers between your front teeth,” I scared him.

Other friends joined in.

“Honeybees never sleep. Why you complain?” joked one.

“But a snail can sleep for three years,” he shot back.

“The 24-hour accessibility of the Internet has created havoc. My daughter goes to bed after midnight,” lamented a female colleague.

“What is the record for longest period without sleep?” asked one.

“I think 18 days. But I had read that the record holder reported hallucinations and blurred vision,” said a self-proclaimed genius.

“Why this discussion on sleep? I feel sleepy,” complained an irritated friend.

“It all started with the yawn of this guy,” I told them, myself yawning.

Enjoying the life journey

2011-07-23T13:34:00.002+04:00

When I started my career in a small newspaper in Mumbai, I used to stare at the gigantic Times of India building and ask my friend, “When will we land here?”

Land I did in just a year and spent 17 years in that organization, when I realized I could not afford to buy an apartment in the expensive city. We started off with kerosene stoves and one room apartments –No gas cylinder, first class travel, car or AC.

“Go to Gulf,” advised my senior colleague.

“Earn Rs300,000 and return in three years. Buy a house and settle down,” advised my dad. I agreed. I saved Rs300,000 in a couple of years, but the house rates had reached 1 million. I pursued and raised that amount. But the apartment rates had reached 4 million. The school and college fees thumped a big hole in pockets.

Fortunately, perseverance paid and we have now booked a small apartment in Chennai.

“Shall we retire?” I asked my wife.

“You promised to show me at least one other country,” grumbled my wife. “Dad, our college has warned that the fee has to be paid before this month,” warned my daughter.

“Bro, you agreed to visit Switzerland,” said my adopted sister on telephone.

I reached office.

“Boss, is there scope for overtime?

The fun is I am enjoying the moment and challenges.

No pill, take the bill

2011-07-17T20:44:00.001+04:00

There are good and bad doctors. I had a taste of both on a single day.

My daughter, influenced by peer group, decided to go for braces to set her tooth in line. A dentist examined her and suggested it would be a waste of effort. She patiently explained to the girl the advantages and disadvantages. After 15 minutes, I asked her about the fee. She politely said, “No need.”

My daughter had also complained of a corn (hard skin) on her foot.

So we moved to another hospital in Rolla, Sharjah.

At the entrance, we were told to pay Dhs210 ($57). An eager doctor took us to a cabin. After a casual examination, he listed suggestions.

“Throw away her present shoes and slippers. Go for Nike or Reebok.”

Surmising what was going on in my mind, he quickly said: “No, not roadside duplicates. Only originals.”

He then named a brand shop. “Go there and buy Mango-butter solution.”

While I was assessing the damage to my purse, he continued: “Buy 15 pairs of white socks. Wash legs with salt water. Maybe, use Vaseline.”

Before we could ask more questions or wait for treatment, he screamed, “Next patient.”

For the money we paid, we could have bought all the items.

We felt so cheated.

Fool’s paradise

2011-07-12T19:37:00.001+04:00

“I remembered you yesterday,” she said.

“That’s nice,” I replied, obviously delighted.

“I was at Al Ain Zoo,” she shot back, diluting the joy.

It has happened to me quite a few times.

“I dreamt of you yesterday,” said a pretty colleague at my former newspaper office.

I hid my joy and acted as if I was not enamoured. The next day I tried to show off, narrating the girl’s comment to my boss.

“Oh, she said that to you?” he reacted with a sad face. “Just three days ago she said the same thing to me.”

Talking of colleagues, I had an interesting one who slept while on duty and also argued a lot.

“Wake him up,” said my boss once.

“Better not,” replied another colleague. “That’s the only time he doesn’t argue.”

Some colleagues can be real fun. One shared this joke:

A fool took out his torchlight on a dark night, pointed at the sky and told his friend, “Reach the sky by holding on to the light.”

“I will not do that,” answered his partner. “Halfway through you will switch off the light and I will fall.”

Life’s like that

2011-07-08T18:57:00.002+04:00

Life is a tale told by an idiot ‑ full of sound and fury, signifying nothing, according to Shakespeare.

However, Tamil poet Avvaiyar, saw life differently. Asked what is rare in life, she replied, “Rare it is to be born a human. Rarer it is to be born without disabilities - like blind or deaf. Even if one attains human birth without disabilities, it is rarer to be born with knowledge and wisdom. If s/he has these two also, it’s very rare to have a heart for charity and penance. These two traits open the gates of heaven.”

When my brother’s family was going through a tough time, I told his son, “Life’s a battle zone. Keep fighting with a smile. Let the driver (God, truth, whatever) run the vehicle. After all, the destination is fixed.” Thankfully, he managed well so far.
I feel life is just like a boat drifting along where the wind takes it.
No wonder, when a thinker was asked whether he believed in destiny or free will, he replied, “Of course, free will. I am destined to say so.”

A confirmed flirt

2011-07-03T10:15:00.001+04:00

My friend AKV looked sheepishly around, convinced himself that his wife was not around, and told me in a whispering tone, “My wife knows I am a confirmed flirt.”
Most people are. He was just being honest.
Hey, don’t give me that look. I am innocent. I don't even know the meaning of that word.
According to a study, 35% of people using personal ads for dating are already married!
Has the society changed?
I don’t know. You tell me.
But I can share a joke.
Tommy asked his granddad, “How to patav (attract) that girl?”
“Give her nice gifts. Even a beautiful rose will do,” said the old man trying to please the GenNext.
The boy rushed off cheerfully. The next week, Tommy returned to the old man and said: “Now tell me. How do I get rid of her?”

‘Mind your language’

2011-06-27T20:09:00.000+04:00

Innocent people can be forgiven, but the ignorant are a pain.

My dad was arguing with a government clerk who was delaying a file. The clerk was not well versed in English language, but kept arguing.

Exasperated, my dad grumbled, “I have to tolerate your delay. After all, beggars can’t be choosers.”

The guy turned furious and shouted back, “Are you calling me a beggar? Mind your language. I am not a beggar. You are.”

Innocent people are like Mulla Nasruddin.

Mulla Nasruddin was standing by the roadside watching a funeral pass by, when a stranger asked, “Who’s the guy dead?”

“I am also wondering. Must be the one inside the coffin.”

'Toilet aunty'

2011-06-23T10:14:00.002+04:00

Children can be a major source of embarrassment at times.
A teacher was talking to her colleague when a little girl approached her with much hesitation.
“Ma’am, yesterday you appeared in my dream,” she said.
“Wonderful,” replied the thrilled teacher.
“Yes. I saw you selling vegetables.”
Hearing this, the other teacher giggled.
“You also appeared in my dream ma’am,” the innocent kid told that teacher. “You were selling fruits.”
A child from the same school was at the airport along with her parents, when she saw a familiar face, decently dressed and flaunting a gold jewel.
“Toilet aunty, toilet aunty,” yelled the girl lovingly, much to the discomfiture of everyone. The woman, a worker at the school, was going on vacation.
My friend was talking to three female visitors at home who had dropped in to discuss a project when his little the son rushed in.
“Dad, so you are having fun with your girl friends!” he asked and ran back to play, even before anyone could react.
(NB: All these are true incidents)

Fall not to flattery

2011-06-20T10:32:00.000+04:00

Never mix with someone who says something, but thinks opposite, goes a saying.

I was chatting with a person when he resorted to malicious gossip against a common friend. The person he was talking about appeared at the door. The guy instantly changed his tune and said: “I was all praise for you just now.” He had the audacity to ask me, “Did I not?” I ran to the rest room looking for a way to escape telling a lie.

There is a similar story: A man, hoping to get expensive gifts, showered praise on a king for 10 days. “No one can match your kind heart,” he went on. On the 10th day, he was given a flower and told to leave.

He looked shocked, but laughed instantly. Asked for the reason, he replied, “I would have wasted another 20 days praising this stupid king. Also, whatever I said about him was a lie. So it is OK I go

without gifts.”

Hank Ketcham rightly said: Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, don't swallow it.

A punch to ego

2011-06-14T17:59:00.000+04:00

I had recently mentioned in Facebook: “I am in conflict with myself. I want myself to win.”
What’s the difference between “I” and “myself,” questioned a colleague.
Here goes a story: A charity organization was distributing food at a camp for refugees. A young man stood in queue for hours in scorching heat and was about to collect his piece of bread when he noticed a very old woman pushing him from behind, almost fainting. The young man collected his bread, thrust it in the hands of the old woman, and moved off quietly.

This is “myself,” where one loses his self for others.
The young man later settled down well. His food outlet was a success. He left the eatery under a friend’s care and went on a long cruise journey. He got caught in a storm, lost possessions and somehow managed to reach his restaurant, in tattered dress. “Sorry, shut for the day,” declared a cleaner boy. “Go, get a soup,” the owner ordered. The boy stood quiet. “Do you know whom are talking to? I am the owner,” he said. The boy laughed and said, “You too look like a cleaner.”

The man gave the worker a tight slap and a kick. His face was red with fury.

This is “I” in action. A big ego bruised by the innocent cleaner’s verbal punch.

Not cool as cucumber

2011-06-09T18:01:00.000+04:00

I never expected the E Coli virus to create war at home.

“Get vegetables while returning home,” ordered my wife on phone and I promptly obeyed like all meek husbands.

The moment my wife saw cucumbers among the vegetables, she yelled: “Why did you buy these? Don’t you read newspapers about cucumbers and E Coli?”

“The UAE is safe. Don’t worry,” I consoled her, but it was late.

She had dumped the entire one kilo pocket into the dustbin.

Her eyes then fell on beans.

“Don’t look at them. They are harmless,” I tried to hide them.

“OMG. Beans and lettuce. We are in for trouble,” she continued.

“But we are veggies. Are we going without dinner?” I asked and suggested: “OK. Forget home food. Let’s go have pizza.”

“Heyyy,” shouted my daughter in joy, but stopped in a second: “Let’s not touch the cucumber or salad there. Who wants to dine out just to get killed by a cucumber?”

‘Youth aspirations triggered Arab Spring’

2011-06-07T17:46:00.002+04:00

I interviewed the Dean of American University of Sharjah on American policies in the Middle East for our newspaper The Gulf Today. Hope you enjoy reading this:
http://www.gulftoday.ae/portal/f558d908-06a9-4e22-873d-63c624a45bc1.aspx

Mr Mark Rush-photo by Kamal Kassim

The Arab uprisings have been driven by economic forces and generational changes promoted by technology, according to Dr Mark Rush, Dean, College of Arts and Science, American University of Sharjah.
The uprisings began with technologically-savvy young people who are facing economic uncertainty, argues the dean in an exclusive interview to The Gulf Today.
Dr Rush was a member of the Department of Politics at Washington and Lee University. He taught courses on American Government, Comparative Government, Constitutional Law, Election Law and Democracy. He will be teaching on American Politics and Government in the fall.
Excerpts: The Mideast is witnessing unprecedented changes. Do you see a direct US strategic role in these developments?
The US has an interest in Middle East developments. Ensuring the security of the region’s oil supply has been a stated American interest. The US is committed to promoting democracy. Yet, I think it is not accurate to say that US policies have played a strategic role in the Arab Spring. After 1989, with the fall of the Soviet Union, the nature of world politics is much more complicated. The world is multipolar. The US plays a key role in world affairs. But its influence has waned with the end of the Cold War and the rise of China, India, Brazil, the EU, etc.
While Washington has a keen interest in the Middle East and North Africa, so do London, Beijing, Moscow and Brussels. US involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq demonstrates its strategic interests. But, European military forces have played a significant role in the Libyan crisis. China and the US have invested heavily in the region. It is clear that the entire world has an interest in the region’s affairs.

So, who or what is behind the Arab Spring?
The Arab Spring has as much to do with the generational changes promoted by technology, social media as it does with any foreign nation’s intervention in the region. There is certainly US interest in this — the concern about democracy. But I presume it is a good thing. To be specific about Arab Spring, there are no reports of direct foreign intervention — at least in terms of giving rise to the protest movements. Social media helped it happen by enabling young jobless people in Tunis speaking to young unemployed people in Damascus, who could speak to similar ones in Cairo. What you are seeing is a generational desire for more popular input into the governmental process. Governments are struggling to deal with the economic crisis. Unemployment in the region is high. Egypt’s unemployed population is as big as the entire population of Libya. The uprisings did not begin with retired people or the clergy. It is about simmering local aspirations and hope that change of government will solve the economic problems.

Do you think the movements are fizzling out?
Democracy is a process. The establishment of democracies takes time. If one looks at the history of democracy in the US since the 240-odd years, it has suffered civil war, economic recession and religious violence. After its revolution, the US created one form of government. Ten years later it had to re-do it all. Sixty years later, there was civil war and 100 years later the civil rights era brought forth resolution to lingering racial problems. The process of democratisation has not necessarily been peaceful.

The US has persistently stated that uninterrupted access to oil is of vital national interest. Are the developments in the region a fallout of such a line of thinking?
Oil security concerns everyone. The interest of the US in this region reflects that of every other country that has depended upon or continues to depend upon oil. The US, China and the European Union all depend on oil to drive their economies. But, the concentration and vast quantity of oil in the region has amplified that interest. The developments in the region can be connected to the world’s — not just the US’ — interest in the area. Western intervention, especially in drawing somewhat artificial political boundaries and then withdrawing in the second half of the twentieth century, has certainly laid the foundations for contemporary unrest. The Middle East is a patchwork of religions, ethnicities, nationalities and so forth. The national borders crisscross them. But, the world’s interest in oil, and the extent to which it has been associated with the economic boom and busts in the region, has served as a catalyst for the recent unrest.

Is it all about oil?
On one hand, the world is interested in maintaining uninterrupted access to oil, and on the other, the entire world is looking at alternative energy sources. This is intriguing. If the rest of the world manages to decrease its dependence on oil — ostensibly to render their economies more green and sustainable — it will have a great impact on this region. Imagine if the Chinese were to go green enough to dampen their demand for oil. The cost of oil would plummet and this would have an incredible impact on the region’s economy. If the world goes green it is a great economic threat to any petroleum-based economy.

What precautions can the oil economies take?
The best way out is diversification. Dubai’s economy is quite diversified and offers a good example.

The US has pledged to establish an independent Palestinian state on the 1967 borders. Israel has rejected the call. If similar aspirations in East Timor and South Sudan could be easily met, why not Palestine?
No, it did not happen in these regions as easily as you have described. There was an awful lot of violence in these places. The process of partitioning old states and building new ones can be fraught with conflict and violence. When I think of difficult changes, I think of the events in India and Pakistan after the British withdrew. Kosovo and the Balkan states were born of violence as well.

A factor that worries Americans is the financial cost of the Afghanistan war, expected to be $113 billion this year. Has Obama been able to convince people that the fate of countries in the Middle East and elsewhere is worth the money?
Americans are increasingly aware of the cost of Afghan war. Every soldier killed, every plane downed demonstrates the cost of the military presence. All that money could be used for domestic purposes. The US strategic dominance of the region is undermined by the way China is increasingly the big market for oil exporters. If China becomes the region’s big investor, will not the geopolitics between the two superpowers become complex!

The US and China are certain to compete. The impact of the US role here will diminish to the extent that other nations or regions (China, India, the EU) gain more influence. There is much at stake that promotes cooperation between the US and China. Their economies are linked. If either one fails the other will suffer. Chinese economic growth has been driven in no small part by the capacity of the American economy to buy Chinese goods. One can expect relations between the two countries to be complex. But, wise leaders in both will promote cooperation.

Doubt your abilities? Remember Caesar

2011-06-01T20:29:00.001+04:00

"Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are," Malcolm Forbes said.

I have a friend who is hugely talented, but has remained at a rock-bottom post for two decades in the newspaper industry. If only he had asserted himself, he would have reached the top.

We may be dubbed Narcissist, but I think life makes no sense if we do not have strong self-esteem.

Julius Caesar was captured by pirates. They negotiated with his friends and relatives for a big sum. An incensed Caesar told them: “You fools. Don’t quote such a measly sum for a person of my status. Double the price.” They did.

While waiting for the money for several days, he joined in their games and exercises, as if he was their leader and not prisoner. He also wrote poems, but repeatedly told them that once freed, he would raise an army, return and kill each of them.

He kept his word.

Photo-speak

2011-05-29T19:18:00.001+04:00

It was great meeting a group of new friends at Deira City Centre, Dubai this week. We were there as part of a blog/website discussion. The participants included nationals from Bosnia and Pakistan. Let the photo speak.

Crazy doubts, shaky confidence

2011-05-26T17:38:00.000+04:00

“Will my Lebanese boyfriend return to me?” asked a dear friend with tears in her eyes.

“If you believe he will, he will. If the bond is sincere, why doubt?” I responded.
It was then I realised how most of us, including myself, spend time worrying, living in the past or future and never in the present.
Doubts are our worst enemies. Experience teaches me that we have to live with confidence and accept what comes.
Two examples come to mind.

A man was falling into a deep well. “If you are true, save me, my Lord,” he prayed. He escaped, but had bruises. “You betrayed me and I got injuries. I was your devotee,” he complained. “You trusted me, but only partially. Recollect your words,” came the reply. The man had doubts while seeking help.

Doubts and faith are not the best of friends.
Now the story about acceptance: A millionaire decided to give up worldly life. He went to a remote area and sat in deep meditation. Two thieves being chased by policemen for a jewel theft reached the spot, decorated him with the jewel and escaped. The guy was roughed up and taken to the police station. He was freed, but was shaken by the fact that he was innocent and yet had to face unpleasant experiences.

Many a times, we face problems for no mistake of ours, right?

Photo-speak

2011-05-24T18:45:00.002+04:00

These are some of the recent clicks on the same great-grand father donated mobile.

Nephew tries his click trick at Marina

New residence under construction at Chennai

Cake and affection from a dear friend's family on my birthday

Wifie's pose

A dear Pakistani friend cooked veg food for my family

Along with a close friend's family in Dubai

Hehe, your own best friend's family

I was sitting at our home entrance in Sharjah talking to the watchman when I clicked this

Well, daughter dear


My God, P is going to pounce on me. He did not give permission to post this photo. But I can't resist introducing you to my best friends/journalists Parag (T-shirt) and Bhaskar (folded hands-coz his wife was there and he was scared hehe)

PS: As usual blame poor photos on my mobile. If you want to gift a new one, hey don't ya.

Your password is incorrect

2011-05-20T19:23:00.000+04:00

Caught in the Net, children have their own funny Web of activities.

I asked my school-going daughter why she was angry.

“This stupid classmate of mine,” she replied.

What happened?

She went on: “You know I am a fan of Vin Diesel. I have incorporated his name in my e-mail ID.”

So?

“My classmate BB is now using ‘petrol’ as username,” she frowned. “That’s not all, PD has now texted me she prefers ‘kerosenePD’.”

“Do not get angry,” I tried to convince her.

“They fooled me last week also after reading an Internet joke,” she complained.

What did they do?

They suggested I should use the word “Incorrect” as password.

Why?

“In case I forget my password, the computer will say, ‘your password is incorrect.’”

Fish for a veggie

2011-05-15T19:45:00.000+04:00

For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack, wrote Rudyard Kipling.

Good team is a blessing, just like neighbours. Also, team work involves fun.

I remember a story in a children’s magazine. A man hunting for a job meets a circus manager. “A popular gorilla in my circus has died. I will put on a gorilla costume for you. Act typically and cheer the crowd,” the manager said. The man took up the challenge and soon became popular. One day, the “gorilla” leaped, but unfortunately landed in the next cage where a ferocious lion roared. The “gorilla” screamed as the lion jumped. Then it happened. The lion caught the gorilla and whispered, “Idiot, quietly escape to your cage or both of us will lose our jobs.”

I had a personal experience too. It was a seminar in Delhi organised by my earlier newspaper in Mumbai. When I was merrily gulping food during lunchtime, a famous but mischievous chief reporter SB rushed towards me, hurriedly put something on my plate and said: “Excellent potato bhajiya, try.” I should have thought twice about his sudden affection, but did not do so and paid a price. It was actually a fish dish and I am a veggie. It was too late to react; I had already digested a tiny piece.

Only fools win arguments

2011-05-09T11:04:00.001+04:00

He loves to argue. It’s some sort of passion for him.
“You are a good guy,” I told him.
“What do you mean? Everyone says I am argumentative,” he said.
“Forget others. I know you work hard,” I said.
“What’s the use? I hardly earn enough.”
“All will be fine buddy,” I tried to convince him.
“Then why don’t you exchange your salary with me?”
I realised there was no point in trying to convince him.
“OK, take care,” I tried to move off.
“Listen, I know how to take care of myself. You better take care,” was his reply.
It took so long to realise I was an idiot who tried to convince a fool.
Someone rightly said: “Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.”
You might have heard this joke:
After an argument, husband pointed at a buffalo and told his wife:
“There goes your relative.”
“Yep,” she replied, “My in-law.”

Beauties behind bars

2011-05-05T17:30:00.000+04:00

We were walking on Al Wahda Street when my friend suddenly said, “See those beauties. Sad, they are in a cage.”
I turned and saw those two attractive parrots ‑ a cute pair – caged and displayed outside a shop. I remembered my younger days when I watched from the window parrots biting off juicy mangoes from a tree and passing off a “Not for you, stupid,” look.
It was tough to see the stunning beauties in multiple colours and apple-
red beak shunted behind bars, unable to even flap their wings leisurely
or fly beyond a foot.
What a contradiction! Just recently, I saw that ugly crocodile dozing
off in muddy water at a zoo. All that s/he did was to open an eye,
wink at me and blissfully doze off again.
“Just like money, beauty is not everything,” I told my friend and he
looked impressed with the “great philosophy.”
When I returned home, my wife shouted, “Where did you vanish? I
kept that Garnier dye ready for you.”
Hey, talking about beauty reminds me of the joke you might have heard.

“Wow, you look dazzling,” he said.

“Thanksss…,” she blushed.

“Must have spent at least three hours at the saloon,” he murmured.

Smart dodgers

2011-05-01T19:50:00.001+04:00

Some are experts in evading when we make requests.

I asked my daughter to go to a nearby shop and get the TV remote replaced.

“What if that shop is closed?” she asked.

“There is one opposite. Try there.”

“If I do not get the remote there also?” she asked still playing some game on her mobile.

“Well, try the electronic shop at the end of the road. They sure must have it,” I was annoyed.

She still had her eyes on her mobile.

“That store is closed most of the time. What do I do if they are not open now,” she murmured.

“Then come back,” I replied.

“In that case, why go at all?

I grabbed the cell from her hand and had to literally push her to the shop.

Nosy pests

2011-04-26T19:25:00.001+04:00

There seems to be no dearth of nosy fools.

How much is your salary? Are you a south Indian? Which religion do your practise? Who was that lady with you last week?

These are a few sample questions I have been asked by some mannerless people. “None of your -- business,” is what I would like to retort, but I hardly do that. I just change the subject and move on.

You may have heard this story:

A landlord, who stays on a ground floor apartment, insists that his tenant should not make any sound/noise on the first floor. A bachelor accepts the condition. The tenant returns from job late in the evening, throws his heavy shoes with a loud bang and the owner appears immediately. “Sorry, it will not happen again,” pleads the tenant. The next day, the tenant reaches home and again throws his first shoe in a similar fashion, when he remembers his promise. He holds back his second shoe and merrily goes to sleep. The restless owner appears at around 3.30am, wakes up the tenant and asks: “What happened to the second shoe?”

Not funny

2011-04-19T18:06:00.000+04:00

I entered Al Wahda Street on my morning walk and saw my gardener-friend from Lanka holding a man’s hand and yelling.

“Will you give the money or not?”

“Get lost,” came the reply.

“Tomorrow if you don’t reach here with the money, you will get a punch,” shouted my friend.

“Get lost.”

I played the referee. “Hey, stop the fight.”

They laughed. “Oh, you thought it’s serious. We were just joking.”

Shucks. Weird sense of humour.

I have this nasty habit of getting into trouble playing the umpire.

I remember an incident in my earlier newspaper office when a jumbo reporter had a tiff with a rabbit-size (hey, don’t take it literally) colleague and began chasing him. The rabbit ran after passing a four-letter comment. The jumbo caught the rabbit at the corridor. While others watched, I ran to break the brawl.

By that time, the jumbo had taken control. Clasping the neck and pushing the rabbit’s head down, the jumbo got set to pack a punch, when I thrust my head in between.

“Buckkk.”

I received the punch and screamed.

“Sorry, sorry,” repeated the jumbo, but the rabbit escaped.

The other colleagues’ mocking look said it all: “Dumbo, why do you think we did not interfere?”

Here's (y)our award

2011-04-18T21:38:00.000+04:00

Now this award is from sweet buddies Sanand and Stranger. Lucky me, I have such wonderful friends. Herewith dedicating the award as usual to all the visitors of this blog.

Tail trail

2011-04-17T19:18:00.001+04:00

When a dear friend called me out, “hey monkey,” I did not object.

After all, I consider him like my brother.

“Let’s go to Al Ain zoo this weekend,” he suggested and I agreed.

Just a few minutes at the well-maintained wildlife park pushed in a realisation in me on how far humans have moved away from ever-beautiful nature.

Chasing the crows, throwing peanuts at squirrels, imitating the parrots, scaring away the sparrows, dancing around mischievous monkeys, thrusting coins on elephant trunks – my childhood days had more connection with feathered friends and awesome animals.

Technology has deleted the link between man and nature and the reality of “virtual reality” bites hard.

I was thrilled to notice the majestic White Lions of Sanbona at the park. One of the rarest animals, the White Lion is almost extinct in the wild. Lofty giraffes tried to pick grass placed on poles making it look like a basketball game, Arabian oryxes and sand gazelles roamed free, but the naughty chimpanzee refused to cheer when my friend performed a funny ape dance outside the cage.

Talk of turtles, tortoise and the tall ostrich – they were all there.

I also found the “Nocturnal House” concept interesting. An enclosed air-conditioned walkway offers a sneak peek into the fascinating lives of nocturnal animals. One can watch stealthy sand cats exploring the dunes and busy hedgehogs scurrying from bush to bush inside the zone.

Forget the rat race. Saying hello to our “speechless” friends at least occasionally has its own charm.
(PS: Plz forgive poor quality of pix. Blame it on my cellphone as usual.)

Hello carpenter

2011-04-11T17:33:00.000+04:00

Relocating home brings its own challenges. My new house has huge windows with sunlight penetrating through the rooms.

The first reaction of my wife on entering the apartment was: "Go and arrange for curtains."

The carpenter was summoned. He surveyed the rooms and said: "You need three curtain rods and nails. Do you have them?"

"No."

"Then come with me to the hardware shop," he dragged me.

My wife was too happy to push me out with him.

The shopping spree over, the carpenter had nails, cutting saw and lengthy rods that can stretch up to a full room.

We came out of the shop and the guy suddenly remembered something.

"Hold all this," he thrust the things on my hand and vanished from the middle of the road.

After five minutes, he screamed from the shop: "You proceed home. I will go to another shop."

Embarrassed, I looked around praying no friend sees me. Fortunately, no one did. But everyone on the road gave me strange looks. The lengthy rods were uneasy to carry and I could hear horn sounds all around. I decided to hold the rods vertically like a flag pole.

When I reached my building, the rods did not fit into the elevator and three people were running away from me, looking worriedly at the sharp cutter.

Seeing me as a carpenter, my wife laughed out.

Thankfully, she also had a taste of the medicine, when the worker arrived, finished his work and told her, "Ma'am, can you please clean up all this mess?"

Flying book

2011-04-03T17:28:00.000+04:00

Back from vacation, I was busy setting up things at the new third floor apartment taken on rent in Sharjah, when I received a call from a close friend.
“I can see your building but not your room. Can you wave your hand from the window?” he suggested.
I merrily opened the pane little realising that I had kept a heavy book to support the window screen. The apartment faces a busy road and off went the book plunging into the street.
For a moment I did not know what to do. The negative mind insisted that someone must have gotten hurt right on their head. To see or not to see was the immediate dilemma. But my good sense suggested I should face the consequences, whatever it may be.
I did so and heaved a sigh of relief. The book was lying on the road tattered like a crushed tomato.
But when I rushed down to pick it up, there was no sign of the book.
A worker was busy cleaning a car at the sport and the place looked full of activity. I returned quietly to my apartment scared to enquire from anyone about the book.
Thank God, just a few minutes ago there was no one there. And what if I had kept a heavy object near the window.
Lesson learnt.

Just an update

2011-03-31T15:55:00.001+04:00

Buddies, thanks to all of you who stayed with me despite my staying away from the blog for so long. I am back in Sharjah. I have applied for visa for my wife and daughter who are expected to join me next week. Domestic compulsions did not allow me to leave Chennai and so I badly missed my visits to great Mumbai and Bangalore, where I had planned to meet so many dear friends. I was happy to receive calls from a few wonderful blog friends, especially Shobha. Dr Nitu/Fida/Pankaj et al are more than blog friends, so am not mentioning such names. Basically, feeling great to be back with you all. Thanks once again.

Just 2 more days

2011-03-22T20:22:00.000+04:00

Will be back in Sharjah in just 2 days. Dad fell and hurt his bone. Age 89 compounds the problem and he remains bedridden unable to even sit. Will be in touch with all you precious friends ASAP. wishes.

Staying connected

2011-03-09T06:55:00.001+04:00

Lovely friends, am around in Chennai..Cancelled visit to Mumbai, B'lore and staying put at home in Chennai. Should be back to normal once in Sharjah by month end, God willing. TC, keep the cheers. Love you all for that smile in your faces. 9962387982 is d number.

Chennai charm

2011-02-22T09:35:00.000+04:00

Buddies, am in Chennai. Sure all well with you guys/gals. Will be back in normal blog mode after some time. Until then keep your cheers, be happy and remember me.

Dubai night souq

2011-02-13T20:25:00.000+04:00

Hey buddies, remembering you all everyday. Thanks for your patience with me. Tried to click photos at Night Souq Dubai where I went with Subu. As expected, quality was a disaster.BTW, am planning to visit India from Feb.19. (Mainly Chennai, B'lore and Amchi Mumbai). Will be a pleasure to meet any blog buddy. Kindly stay connected on rrames@hotmail.com

A girl provides music to the ears

A boy eagerly looks at a musician and his keyboard

An Asian troupe entertains shoppers

Ship of the desert with master

A floating restaurant on creekside

Just around

2011-02-06T16:31:00.000+04:00

House shifting, municipality formalities, laptop virus, school admission for daughter, India visit plan, above all, refusal by you buddies to leave my mind..I am bound..Plz bear with me. "I will be back," like Schwarzneggar says. Plz dont write comment for this post as I feel guilty if I can't reply. Wish you health, wealth and cheers always.

Home, new home

2011-02-01T16:12:00.001+04:00

Dear friend Smita and other buddies. Thanks ya for remembering me. It's just that I am shifting residence and never expected it to be such a challenge running around alone. Meanwhile, these photos are inspired by Mridula who wants me to post more photos with my simple mobile.

Clicked this from my present home balcony when a duststorm was on this week. The road is a link between Sharjah and Dubai.


Clicked this from the new room I have booked. If you use your binocular, you will see a giant wheel faaaarrr away. It's called Eye of the Emirates at Al Qasba, a famous landmark in Sharjah.

Floating in the air

2011-01-27T19:19:00.000+04:00

What are the hilarious and touching incidents you came across as a reporter, asked my colleague.

Hilarious? Hmm. I already mentioned this. I remember how I was going to the canteen in my Mumbai newspaper office and a lawyer friend Gopal Punjabi rang up to say abruptly, “I am on the 2^nd floor of a building at Girgaum. I cannot get down from 2^nd floor.”

“What do you mean. Any fire?” I asked.

“No. There’s no staircase.”

What?

It was then I learnt that the landlord had a dispute with tenants and had hired workers to cart away the wooden staircase to harass them. The tenants were literally left hanging in the air.

Touching incident? Don’t ask me plz. I was travelling from Belapur to Vashi after interviewing a civic official. I entered a State Transport bus which is usually dirty. I managed to enter the bus despite the crowd and was followed by a little boy, who was in rags. He had no shirt and carried a soiled bag. As he stood on the first step, the conductor looked at the boy and said “heyy.” The boy got scared and jumped from the bus which had picked up speed.

The image still floats in my eye of the way he went rolling behind. I shut my eyes and did not know what to do.

They refused to stop the bus despite my screaming. That’s Mumbai.

Is he alive? I dunno.

Whatever, my prayers are ever for you, dear felo.

Just for a click

2011-01-24T19:28:00.002+04:00

Dear blog friend Mridula asked what I am doing with the new mobile. Just clicked 2,3 photos at the Dubai Mall last week when I went there with friend Fareed. Here goes.

At Dubai Mall near Burj Khalifa

Water fountain show in progress

Bitten by the bark

2011-01-20T16:25:00.001+04:00

It was a delightful session at a coffee shop. One friend was particularly lively clicking photographs and cracking jokes. We parted with hugs. A few minutes later a buddy told me that I was the subject of a gossip session led by none other than the same guy who was hugging me a few minutes ago.
Great. My only regret is I let him win. I lost a few precious minutes perturbed by that thought. Shame I could not inject my readymade formula: Progress with a smile and ignore the bark.
I have tested this. If we don’t get shaken, the one who tries to shake us gets shaken.
BTW, Hermann Hesse wrote: Inside you is a stillness and a refuge into which you can enter at any time and be at home. Everyone is capable of this.
Shucks, serious stuff. Hey, a short joke I heard.
“Congrats Banta. You have become a dad.”
“Don’t tell my wife doc. I will give her a surprise.”

Mind is a monkey

2011-01-16T21:20:00.000+04:00

It seems to be a season of home-shifting. For years, rents went through the roof leaving residents high and dry. Mercifully, they are falling now in Sharjah. Many friends are looking for better places to stay.

I am no exception, but the mistake I did is to tell a cynic-friend about my plan.

“That would be stupid. Stay where you are,” he gave an unwanted advice.

After arguments, he said, “OK monkey, your choice.”

“Thanks brother,” I parted.

There are certain things we better decide for ourselves.

BTW, I read an interesting metaphor about life. Someone has compared life with a man being swept away by floods. He tries to hold on to whatever comes the way but fails until he reaches a plain, safe place. The story implies that desires never end and we get mired deeper holding on to them.

I told this story to my nephew and said: “Curtail your desires.”

“Why did you buy a new mobile recently?” he countered.

“It is a necessity and a cheap one,” I replied.

“OK now see this.” He opened a box and showed me a new set of Samsung Galaxy Tab.

OMG, we can throw away the TV, laptop, phone, radio, GSM, books and so many things if we have this simple gadget.

“Hey, give it to me,” I said spontaneously.

“And you are giving me a lecture about desires,” he winked.

Hi starfish

2011-01-11T21:06:00.001+04:00

A colleague in my earlier office had this habit of sleeping while on duty.

That was no hassle.

But the problem arose when he snored, something that resembled thunder.

He was disturbing us. We could neither do our work nor take a nap ourselves.

One friend could not take it anymore.

“Wake up buddy. Be like a bee. Honeybees never sleep,” he said.

The rattled man woke up and shot back: “Shut up, you starfish.”

“Starfish?” we all exclaimed.

“Don’t you know starfish don’t have brain.”

Night out-Dubai's African attraction

2011-01-09T19:14:00.003+04:00

I decided to check out on nightlife in Dubai and landed in an Asian country club (Not India) along with three friends.

“What will you have?” asked my host.

“Fruit punch.”

“You come here to ask for fruit punch,” he mocked, while the music started. A group of full-clad, sad girls on the stage left me not-so-glad, while a singer screamed.

“Do you want to have a taste of African culture?” asked my host, seeing my disappointment, and I readily agreed.

We moved to the ground floor, where an African band was performing and another group of eight African girls adorned the stage.

From the word go, the songs, ambience and smiles took me by pleasant surprise. We repeatedly cheered the singers and they became equally ecstatic. So much so, that an African singer took the mike and declared, “Here’s an Indian song for our Indian friends.” He went on to sing “Dil de diya hai…(Given my heart)” Bollywood song, and we started dancing and cheering louder. Some of the girls on stage repeatedly flashed “Namaste,” making us feel more homely.

Various African folk forms were enacted and the girls changed their attire according to the traditions.

There was no vulgarity in both the places.

Bill? Don’t ask me. I will faint if asked to pay.

Between ‘is’ and ‘was’

2011-01-06T17:49:00.000+04:00

A close friend Hiren who is editor of a Mumbai magazine asked me, “Did you hear about Pradeep passing away?”

I had worked with Pradeep Vijaykar, a famous sports journalist with The Times of India, Mumbai, for 17 years. When I was a trainee in the news desk, I wanted to interview Sunil Gavaskar. It was Pradeep who told me, “Go to Worli, refer my name and meet him at his office.” Gavaskar talked to me but was not keen on an interview due to some contract.

I remember how Pradeep used to call me to his cabin and say, “Forgive my ignorance,” before asking any questions. He was well informed than me, but was always humble.

“Ya I heard the sad news,” I wrote to Hiren and added a philosophical sentence: “How fast time flies? Between ‘is’ and ‘was,’ there just seems to be a breath.”

How I got this line spontaneously is not known to me.

I am convinced. For a peaceful life, the best mantras are, “Work hard, enjoy the moment, laugh like a child, keep mind open to all ideas (Let knowledge come to us from all sides, as Rig Veda says), have a blog and join my lovable blog buddies here.”

A week with family

2011-01-04T17:38:00.002+04:00

Sheikh Zayed Mosque, Abu Dhabi

Apologies for staying off for a week. Family back in Chennai and I can now cook more stories as well as food. We had been to the Global Village and the beautiful Sheikh Zayed Mosque in Abu Dhabi thanks to best friend Dr Jana, who took us in his car. Daughter wore the traditional Islamic dress, as visitors are encouraged to do so while entering the mosque.
Sheikh Zayed Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi is the largest mosque in the UAE. The mosque’s design has been inspired by Mughal and Moorish architecture.There are four minarets and 57 domes. The domes are decorated with white Bianco marble from Pietrasanta, Italy and the interior decoration is made of white marble from Laas, Italy.
Heard this joke: “When I cry you never ask me why,” cried Mulla Nasrudin’s wife. “Sorry darling," said Nasrudin, "that question already cost me an awful lot of money."
NB: That outdated Mobile I was having conked off. I can see Mridula laughing there. Boss, now I have a Nokia E52.

Famous blogger Subu shows off his purchase at Global Village, Dubai.

Get set, cheer up, move on

2010-12-31T18:36:00.001+04:00

It's bye, bye 2010…Welcome 2011…

Sending positive vibes and wishes to everyone visiting this blog: Let 2011 bring good health, peace and prosperity to you. Some blog buddies have been of tremendous help, motivating me personally and professionally. A sincere thanks for that. I am sure our bond will strengthen further in the coming years. Stay connected.

Mama don’t preach

2010-12-29T18:05:00.000+04:00

“Do you know what my little daughter scribbled in her notebook?” asked a shocked mom and close friend of mine.

“What?”

“I wanna fall in love,” she said sounding worried. The child is just in Grade 3.

I am not surprised.

I was hearing two days ago from a teacher this story.

A Grade 4 girl rushed to the teacher and said in a hush-hush tone: “Warn this boy. He is talking nonsense and saying he will make me pregnant.”

The stunned teacher called the boy and admonished him: “She is your classmate and like your sister.”

The boy reacted: “This girl talks too much ma’am. She is spreading rumours in class that I look at porn sites.”

The teacher blushed more than the students.

These are real life stories, not made up by me.

Information explosion is having a negative impact on kids. Just like the knife that can be used for good purpose (cutting vegetables) and for killing people, Internet has dangerous flip sides. All depends on how we use the medium.

Media has been unhelpful. India’s top newspaper carries this headline on its website’s front page: “Ten kissing commandments.”

Tauba tauba. I am not getting deeper into this post. I am an innocent little lad.

No fear, she’s here

2010-12-24T18:00:00.000+04:00

Heard this joke:

“Dad, are you not afraid of lion and tiger?”

“Nope.”

“What about thunder and lightning?”

“Certainly not.”

“Ghosts and demons?”

“Nothing scares me.”

“Awesome dad. You are only scared of mom.”

NB: Wifie and daughter have arrived for a week. So catch up ASAP.

Divided on unity

2010-12-21T20:07:00.000+04:00

Are you for joint family system? asked a colleague.

“I am for it. However, the system is dead worldwide. It won’t work anymore,” I replied.

“You are wrong. There are still families that stay together happily,” she argued.

“Maybe. Some are in joint family just because of necessity. Beneath the bonhomie lie despair and disagreements. This is a material world,” I said.

“Maybe you have had a bitter experience,” she got personal.

“Not true. Anyway, are you married?” I asked her.

“No.”

“Matter closed. Get married, stay with your mother-in-law and let’s meet after two years,” I replied and moved off before she could throw a folder on me.

Heard this joke:

“I remember John whenever I see you,” Mulla Nasruddin told a friend.

“I do not resemble John in any way,” replied the friend.

“But you both owe me $100.”

Chase and chastise

2010-12-18T22:27:00.000+04:00

The elevator stopped on the 3^rd floor and I was about to step out when I saw him standing there. I instantly pressed two and moved to the 2^nd floor. I saw him rushing through the stairs.

I took out my mobile and acted as if I was talking to someone. I was amazed at the way he ran down the stairs at that speed at that age. He came close. I rushed to the rest room. After a minute in the smelly toilet, I came out to see him combing his hair looking at the mirror.

He’s a peon who chases me for money at the drop of a hat.

“My brother is not well,” he started his tale.

I do not mind charity, but some seekers overdo things. I have already paid him on occasions. I also gathered that he had different tales for other colleagues.

“I cannot spare a dirham,” I told him bluntly and walked away. No need to run or hide this time.

Oscar Wilde said it right: Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Sounding rude? Sorry. But if you want a taste of his nagging, just send me your phone number.

NB: I saw a female friend running from him and it was real fun..haha.

Home's not where the heart is

2010-12-14T20:55:00.002+04:00

I went to a property expo in Dubai along with Mr Subu.

“Indians are flush with money. There is no recession. Better buy a house now or regret forever,” campaigned a marketing guy.

He continued in a rapid tone as if selling tomatoes: “Don’t keep thinking too much. Just buy,”

I got him closer: “It is really great to hear that all Indians have become rich. Why is it that I and Mr Subu are not in that list though we are also Indians? We think twice even to buy potatoes.”

The guy looked astonished for a moment, checked around and murmured: “Boss. Do not say just two of you. I am also in your list. That makes us three. It’s just that I am doing my job.”

Before I could finish laughing, he went on: “Buy that plot near Shirdi. It will fetch you millions of rupees in just a few years.”

The King's Speech

2010-12-10T19:48:00.001+04:00

There was a special screening of The King's Speech for the media at the Mall of the Emirates today as part of the Dubai International Film Festival, and I was lucky to be there.

TKS is the story of Prince Albert (Colin Firth), second son of King George V (Michael Gambon), and his wife Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter). Albert was born with a speech impediment. He seeks help from an unconventional therapist named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush). When King George died, Albert's older brother David (Guy Pearce) ascended to the throne, only to abdicate so that he could marry a divorcee. This left Prince Albert in line to become King of England (George the VI). The Second World War was approaching and he had to speak to the nation.

This kind of film is not my cup of tea as I prefer action/comedy. But I should concede that TKS is gripping. A special pat to Firth and Rush.

Two lines I liked:
Dr Logue: Do you know any jokes?
King George: Timing isn't my strong suit.

***Lilbet: What's he saying? (Watching a Hitler speech)

King George: I don't know but he seems to be saying it rather well.

Press Control S

2010-12-09T21:32:00.002+04:00

The control key on the keyboard does not work, said my colleague.

“Call the technical guys and change the keyboard,” I said.

“Oh, they escaped,” she replied.

“I saw the one who wears a caP at the canteen,” I said.

“That cap guy locked the room and left.”

“If you cannot finish the work, go home.”

“I cannot do that. Boss had warned not to SHIFT blame on anyone and just finish my work.”

“OK, there is a key you can press and go HOME,” I replied.

“You mean PAUSE?” she asked eagerly.

“END.”

NB: The first line is from a bumper sticker. Rest are my imagination.

Taka taka tak…

2010-12-06T17:34:00.000+04:00

I opened the door to see some men clearing up the opposite room.
“Vacating?” I asked.
“Ya. We are shifting to the next street. Seven years is too much,” said a Chinese-looking neighbour. I had seen her many times, but never talked.
“Seven years? I have been here nine years and we have never talked a word. If you don’t mind, where are you from?” I asked, stupidly thinking she will reply China.
“Darjeeling,” she said.
Ma Salama. And she was gone.
So much for neighbourhood.
Remembered an incident narrated by a friend about his nosy neighbour. In Mumbai, many residents keep their doors open. Neighbours interact on a day- to-day basis.
One day this friend had a tall, dark female visitor. At the opposite room, a housewife was engaged in tailoring work and the machine was going on “taka taka taka…” This friend left the door open and the two chatted. He suddenly told her he got a new job. The lady instantly gave him a bear hug. Blushing, he pointed to the door. She was double his size, picked him up literally up to the door and pushed it while holding him.
Suddenly the machine sound stopped. Taka taka tak.
Silence for a minute. My friend, still in her grip, peeped through the little open door. The neighbour had stopped her machine and looked out like a giraffe pointing its head out.
In a moment, the friend opened his door and the neighbour had almost reached his door to check out.
Snooping neighbours may be a blessing for wives, but not Casanovas.

Classic car show in Dubai

2010-12-03T11:54:00.000+04:00

I had been to the classic car show near Burj Khalifa in Dubai on Thursday. Sharing a few pictures clicked on the same outdated greatgranddad-donated mobile of mine.
Hope you like this.

The last pic is at the Ajman wholesale veg market. Just so that you do not forget me.

Awkward moments

2010-11-30T20:40:00.000+04:00

“Share some embarrassing moments you faced in life honestly,” a colleague told me.
I blushed at first but then pressed the rewind button.
I remembered my trainee days when I got a rebuke from the editor for repeatedly pronouncing Sean Connery as “Seen” Connery and not “Schon.”
Another awkward moment was when I was sleeping after night shift and the grocery man knocked at the door. “You are always sleeping at home, while your wife works hard,” he advised. I refused to give him tip that day saying I am jobless.
A different uncomfortable moment was when I was newly married and offered to take my wife on a bicycle ride in Chennai. Moments later we both fell on the road and I instantly blamed her of being too fat. She did not talk to me the whole day.

Mind the thoughts

2010-11-27T13:44:00.000+04:00

I know many guys who had troubled childhood that carried on as a load of worry in later years. It is hard to untangle what is tangled in your mind.
During my childhood days, my mom used to push me inside my house anytime a drunkard passed by. Most drunkards used to create a scene in Chennai and I was warned not to meddle with them. It took years for me to stand and face a guy under the influence of alcohol.
My brother used to scare me by holding a cockroach in his hand and I used to run for my life. It was not until I was left alone in a room with many cockroaches that I was able to shed the fear.
Never ever mingle with toxic people. I repeat what I said once. When I was asked to use spectacles, it was just minus 1. When I reached home, one idiot neighbour reacted, “What? Minusss 1. You are blind. You are finished.” In fear, I tried all tricks to beat blindness. Another undiluted idiot suggested that I put coconut oil in my eyes. A fool said “eat one dozen carrots a day.” God, so many self-proclaimed “doctors.” It took years for me to recover from the fear that I would turn total blind.
As I was narrating all this to my pretty friend, she cut short and said: “KISS.”
“What?” I was stunned (joyfully of course).
“Keep it short, stupid,” she vanished.

Bald and beautiful

2010-11-24T10:50:00.000+04:00

My friend Henry was looking into the mirror and splashing talcum powder on his body when he felt a pinch on his legs. He had forgotten to notice his brother sitting down with a laptop. Both the laptop and the brother’s head were covered with powder and that was the cause for the angry pinch.
Make-up is an art mastered by women. Men are not made up for make-up. But with the advent of the metrosexual man, make-up is breaking the sex barrier. The craving to look good, in fact, lands some men in deep trouble.
A Gujarati friend in Mumbai wanted to beat baldness. He tried wigs but was not happy. Someone told him that a balm was effective. He went for it. The balm actually had some acid mix. Result: A deep, black mark on his head. All he could do later was to cover his head with a cap.
“Mr B. There’s way to remove that mark,” I suggested playfully one day.
“How?”
“Our laundry man can bleach all stains.”
Mr B chased me away with four-letter words.
Boss, as I always say, nothing can make us look better than a hearty smile.
OK, a crisp joke:
“Dream big,” a teacher told the class.
“Then allow me to sleep for an hour,” replied a boy.