When dung hits, lie low

Friend Anil dropped in and I told him that you guys/gals liked the management anecdotes he shared last week. He thanked you all and shared two more that he heard from someone.
A little bird found itself unable to join the rat race. It got confined under a tree and could not move. A bull passed by and its dung covered the bird’s body. Slowly the warmth of the dung made the bird feel cozy. For some time it enjoyed the thrill and then it could control no longer. It started with a mild hum and then a loud song. A cat nearby had earlier not realized there was a bird, coz of the dung cover. When the song became louder, the cat cleared the dung, found the bird and had a hearty meal.
Moral: When surrounded by shit, just be quiet and wait for your time to sing and dance.
A rabbit saw an eagle perched majestically on a tree. “Can I also sit merrily like that?” asked the rabbit. “Do as you like,” came the reply. The rabbit imitated the eagle, closed its eye, sat royally under the tree when a jackal passed by. Stunned by the rabbit’s audacity, the jackal came close by and gave a mild slap. The rabbit continued the posture and the jackal tore it apart.
Moral: To sit majestically on the top without work, you really have to be on the top.

Happy Independence Day

On this wonderful day, let's Indians think global. Let's capture the world's heart with our hard work, enterprise, cheerfulness and love. Let the world ask us how we are able to rise above divisions and stand united. The sweat of hard work, a contented smile, enough money to enjoy basic needs for happiness and never ending pursuit of wisdom - let this be our motto. When God is with us, who can be against us? Cheers.

Warning to darling

Wives never learn. OK, some wives never learn. They do not understand their hubby’s loving language.
R worked in Navi Mumbai, transporting goods on his three-wheel van for companies. I was staying on a 5th floor flat facing the Mumbai-Pune highway that time. We did not have an elevator.
One day, R’s wife visited us and was chatting when we heard a van horn along with a whistle sound from the road.
R was standing there with his vehicle and called out his wife lovingly: “Hey, come dear, let’s go.”
“You come up,” she shouted back.
“It’s hot. I can’t climb. You come, let’s go.”
“You come up. Have tea and go,” she retorted.
By this time, R’s patience had been tested. “Heyyy. Comeee,” his voice was a little harsh.
“You come up and…,” she was repeating like a parrot, when we realised R had had enough.
“Heyyyy. Vaaa diiiii (va is “come” in Tamil, di is derogatory). How many times should I call you?” He bit his tongue, eyebrows shrinking, eyes turning red and fingers flashing a warning signal.
Where is Mrs R? I asked my wife.
“She may have jumped from the window in fear. Luckily, she decided to run down.”

Dial A for amusement

Cellphones are a part of life these days. But landlines were common earlier and they rung in funny moments too.
“Hello, can I speak to X?” asked a caller.
“He has gone out,” I replied.
“I will hold on, call him,” she said angrily. I wondered whether I was mad or she.
* A reader called up.
“I want to point out some mistakes in your newspaper.”
I quietly gave the phone to a subordinate saying it was for him. My colleague started with a pleasant “Good morning,” but slowly his face was changing from smile to frown. In five minutes, his BP was up. “Excuse me, you are shouting at a wrong person. Hold on,” and then thrust the receiver on my hands angrily. “We have taken note. Thanks,” I banged the phone.
* My colleague and his wife had had a fight at home. I picked up when she rang the office. “What kind of friend you got?” she blasted me. “I chose a stupid friend. You chose a stupid husband. But don’t be violent with him, he is an innocent baby,” I joked. Thank God, she laughed and they made up.

Take a deep breath, relaxxx…

Run, run, run.
This has become the order of the day.
Why do I not see children playing around? Why are they not chasing butterflies, getting wet in the rains, break windowpanes, engage in scuffles prompting their moms to proclaim their sons as heavyweight champions?
Are we on right track?
We have little choice but to join the rat race. We cannot even enter the loo without cellphone. So much for privacy.
Have you seen Gods Must be Crazy film? Just a few miles away from a bustling city a group of tribals remains cut off, so cut off they imagine a cola bottle thrown from a copter as something from heaven. We urbanites will embrace the chaos in cities rather than sit in villages. We sure will go mad.
A blog friend wrote how depressed she is at the present scenario.
All I could tell her was Tolstoy’s “If you want to be happy, be.”
Embrace the turmoil. Peace at heart amid chaos all around, like the eye of a cyclone that remains extremely calm.
The “Why Me” question has no answer. Apple’s Steve Jobs or Model Lisa Ray are great people. But they are forced to fight a form of cancer. Mohammed Ali, Pope John Paul, Hitler suffered from Parkinson. Reagan had Alzheimer, my favourite Dickens had epilepsy just like Napoleon and Alexander. They could not ask, why me! Diseases and problems don’t discriminate.
It’s funny boss. I try to smile whenever possible. One friend took me aside and said, “You must have gone through a terrible tragedy. Otherwise, you can’t keep smiling.”
God, I wondered, you need a tragedy to keep smiling.
Hey, why am I giving this lecture? No time, I have to run. One sec, where is my mobile? Oh God, this Net is so slow…offff..

Cook who landed in a soup

Karachi Dirbar, Madras Restaurant, Bombay Garden..All these food outlets are just five minutes from my home in Sharjah. Same restaurants, same food everyday.
So I decided to cook yummy “sambar.” What better combination than little onion and ladies finger?
All set, I boiled the vegetables, added mustard and other “masalas” along with sambar, chilli, turmeric powder, tamarind water and even added dal (cereal). The aroma was tantalizing. I could see my neighbour, a security man from Sudan, opening the door and passing an envious look.
I patted myself on my back, picked up the “pakad” (Do we call it ‘vessel holder’?) and tried to pour the sambar into a vessel when the damn thing happened. The steam hit my face, I stumbled a little, the holder betrayed and the entire sambar poured on to the kitchen sink. There went my tasty sambar down the drain, literally.
I would have screamed in disgust and anger. But you, my precious friends, know me well now. What a mature guy I have turned into. All I did was frown for a second, quickly turn it into a smile and reach the phone, “Is it Bombay Garden?”

Deciding what is decided

To speak in an assembly of learned without proper knowledge is like playing chess on a board without squares, said a Tamil poet.
“You may be stupid, but don’t exhibit your stupidity,” was my dad’s constant advice.
So I decided to keep mum when friends discussed destiny.
“Nothing called destiny. Man chooses his own path,” M argued vehemently. “If A is destined to murder B, why punish A?” insisted AS.
“We cannot do a damn when situations are forced upon us. A soccer player whose dream it was to shine in the World Cup football got injured just before the match. What is it if not destiny?” asked SB.
“Bum, why are you mum?” all three shouted at me.
“I prefer to keep quiet on a subject I do not understand,” I replied.
“See, destiny can make even this chatterbox mum,” replied SB with glee.
Personally, I go by blogger Vinita’s Matrix line: You have a right to decide, but what you decide has already been decided.
***A judge asked a pickpocket: Do you accept your guilt?
“I am poor and was destined to do this,” replied the accused.
“Sad. I am destined to punish you. Go to jail.”

Top to bottom, bull shit

Bull shitting may take one to the top but it will not help him/her sustain and only lead to downfall.
“Lemme tell you a management story I heard,” friend Anil went on.
An ostrich met its friend, a bull.
“Why are you looking forlorn?” asked the bull.
“I am bird but am not able to fly and sit peacefully on that tree,” cried the ostrich.
“Is that all the matter? Try tasting my dung. It is full of energy and you will reach the tree top easily,” suggested the bull.
The ostrich started with a peck. It jumped a little, succeeded, and became happy. It tried more dung, jumped higher and felt more happy. It ate a lot of dung and hopped on to the tree top with ease. It then looked around joyfully, when a hunter arrived, saw the bulky bird, shot it and took it home for dinner.