Shaadaab, Ansar and me have been going together for evening tea sessions for the past 10 years. Yesterday, we were in a philosophical mood and offered to share a story/joke. * “The mountain mocked at the ant for the third day,” began Ansar. “Haha, you are so tiny.” The ant moved off quietly. On the fourth day, the ant looked at the mountain and laughed. “Why are you laughing?” asked the mountain. “I wanted to ask you to move a foot away. I realised you cannot even move an inch by yourself,” replied the ant. * Shaadaab started his story: A man had committed 49 murders and at last repented his actions. He decided to hang himself upside down from a tree until God forgives him. “Let all the leaves of the tree fall off when you forgive,” he prayed and tied himself upside down. Months went on without any relief. One day, a man dragged a beautiful girl under the same tree and tried to rape her. This guy on penance could not take it anymore. After all, he knew the best ways to murder. He untied himself, pounced on the culprit and killed him with one blow. All the leaves fell off the tree at once. * It was my turn to tell a story. I remembered Osho’s Mulla joke: It was the couple's first quarrel. "And you tell me that several women proposed marriage to you?" asked the wife. "Yes, several," replied the Mulla. "Well, I wish you had married the first fool who proposed." "I did," said Nasrudin.
I was cleaning up my cupboard and stumbled on a beautiful Laughing Buddha figurine. It revived wonderful memories. A couple of years ago I used to buy tiny statues of Laughing Buddha from a particular shop owned by a Bohri Muslim in Navi Mumbai and gift them to friends. It was supposed to bring luck to the receiver. I was stunned by the reactions. Most friends reported they received at least one good news. No. I do not believe in superstitions. But I was happy coz I was able to see my friends happy. Some dub it destiny; others call it pleasant surprise. But I like what Carl Jung called “meaningful coincidences.” Colleague Sylvi came running and said: “Your LB worked wonders. I got good news.” “Do not tell me you are getting engaged. One or two handsome colleagues may jump out of window,” I joked. “Shut up,” she continued, “I got a pay hike.” Ravi echoed similar sentiments. “I got pleasant news from home town,” he told me. When I visited the shop again, the owner asked me why I was buying so many of the same gift item. I told him the reason. With a broad smile, he offered a bigger Laughing Buddha saying, “You are giving everyone. Now, we are giving you this gift. Tell us if you get good news.” I swear. Within a month I got a job offer from a Sharjah newspaper, which I accepted.
Some people do know how to laugh it out their own way. Take my friend M. Between his bushy beard and mountainous moustache, we can hardly make out whether he is laughing or crying after hearing our joke. CM is a different type. You utter a comic story and he will LOL so much that the building will shake. Female friends have a special knack. S will run for her kerchief, close her mouth and blink. Soon there will be tear drops in her eyes, leaving us worried whether our joke made her cry. M is funny. Only his teeth will protrude. He will come close to you and make a sound like a mouse screeching apukukuk… As someone said, the next time you see anyone without a smile, give one of yours. Let them smile or laugh the way they choose.
I was joking with my little nephew on the phone. “Adam-teasing is increasing. We handsome youngsters cannot walk on the road peacefully as girls pass comments,” I said. “What’s Adam teasing?” he asked. “Girls teasing us,” I replied. “Oh God,” he sounded genuinely worried. After a little silence, he suggested: “Why don’t you carry chilli powder? When they pass comments throw it on their face.” “I cannot indulge in violence,” I replied. Again he kept silent. “We do not have such problems in Bangalore. Here only boys tease girls,” he said. “What if they throw chilli powder on your eyes?” I asked. “Haha. We are smart. We wear sunglasses when we pass comments,” he laughed again. His closing comments proved he was not innocent. “If girls keep harassing you, stop dyeing your hair. They will know your real age.” I banged the phone.
If I am right it’s Confucius who said, "When you breathe, you inspire, when you do not breathe, you expire." It’s funny. People are so occupied running after money, they are forced to pay cash even to learn how to breathe properly. Ya, I mean yoga. It’s a multi-billion dollar business worldwide. But I do not mind. Healthy people make healthy company. The famous Rhea Pillai (Ex-wife Sanju baba) was giving a demonstration for Art of Living in Mumbai when I was working for a Mumbai daily. “Your courses seem to be for the elite. What about the poor? Can’t you guys teach the poor also how to breathe properly? I asked. I was amazed by her cool composure. She laughed and said, “You should join us in our programmes in prisons and slums. You will see for yourself.” When Baba Ramdev came to Dubai some months ago, I met him. “If only people spent some time on yoga, they could save money and worry,” he insisted. I feel even he is beyond the reach of the poor. I remember my school days when we had a yoga class. That has helped me until today. Heard this joke: “Join a yoga class,” he told her. “I have enough worries already at home,” she replied. “Good. Try yoga, your worries will go.” “Yoga is the worry. My hubby is a yoga teacher and the income is hardly enough.”
Here is a report on World Food Program I wrote for my newspaper today: Sorry about the length.
By R. Ramesh
The Gulf Today, 25 Oct 2010
DUBAI will be the launch pad for a GCC-wide fund-raising campaign against global hunger to be launched from Nov.1 by the UN World Food Programme (WFP).
Stating this in an exclusive interview with The Gulf Today, WFP’s Regional Director Dr Daly Belgasmi cautioned that the fund situation for projects to fight hunger world-wide was alarming.
“This is where generous countries like the UAE offer hope,” he said.
Started as a temporary contingency base for Central Asia humanitarian emergency in 2001, the Dubai centre is now a bustling logistic hub for the agency.
A new spectrum of food crisis looms with over a billion going to bed hungry every night worldwide. While the budget earmarked for 2010 was $6.7 billion, the WFP could receive only half the amount so far.
The WFP says that the global food aid deliveries of 5.7 million tonnes in 2009 were the lowest since 1961; programme food aid declined by 25 per cent, emergency food aid by 12 per cent and project food aid by six per cent.
“The prices of commodities such as wheat have shot up. Russia’s decision to ban export of wheat till 2011-end because of drought has also compounded the problem,” Belgasmy noted.
The situation forced the WFP to cut rations, thereby affecting calorie intake of the beneficiaries. In the occupied Palestinian territories, for example, the calorie levels were below the minimum prescribed, falling from 2,100 to 700.
According to Belgasmi, the ‘Fight Against Hunger’ campaign is being launched in the UAE in partnership with various industry leaders.
Each partner is expected to provide unique “interactive” and “relationship” marketing expertise to generate cash for the programme.
“In line with WFP’s strategic objectives for the Middle East region to raise both awareness for WFP’s humanitarian activities and developmental initiatives, as well as local funds, we will be launching mass fund-raising campaigns throughout the year,” stated Belgasmy.
“It’s a mix between a consumer marketing initiative and a B2B proposal as part of Corporate Social Responsibility,” explained Ashraf Hamouda, senior partnership and business development Manager, WFP.
“The aim is to reach the maximum number of the general public, criss-crossing the population wherever they exist, hitting two birds with one stone, branding as well as reach,” he added.
The WFP argues that 3Fs — fuel, finance and food crisis — have hit the poor worst.
“Due to this, the calorie intake is less, malnutrition high and the most vulnerable are children and pregnant women,” Belgasmy noted.
Most WFP activities in the UAE are actively supported and partnered by the Red Crescent Authority (RCA).
Sheikh Hamdan Bin Zayed Al Nahyan, Chairman of the UAE RCA, had earlier stated that the initiatives adopted by the UAE aim at securing food to those who need it and provide all means of living to millions of peoples who experience severe hunger and its tragic consequences.
Hailing UAE’s role in fighting hunger, Belgasmy said that the RCA’s constructive partnerships with WFP had made remarkable difference in the standard of services to victims of poverty and hunger worldwide.
The WFP and RCA officials insist that the current humanitarian challenges require broader international cooperation and activation of partnership among international community institutions and organisations and active forces to deliver food, which is a basic right to every individual.
Couples. How different they are! *She came from Lucknow, India. He came from Peshawar, Pakistan. They worked in our office for two years. Fell in love, got married. Yesterday, got good news that the Indo-Pak JV bundle of joy baby girl was born in Bahrain, where they moved. The guy had told me, “You are the second Indian I love after my wife.” How sweet.
* I know another couple. The wife loves to talk. The moment she opens her mouth, her husband will cut in, “Let me tell ma,” and start his lecture. One day, she was sitting close to him when I entered. She started off when this guy lifted his fingers close to her eyes, “wait maaa.. lemme..” I was scared he will poke her eyes and escaped.
* I went to meet one guy. “Hi,” he said, when his wife reached the visitors’ room with cooking utensils on hand. With the dumbo staring, the fierce wife posed stupid questions. “I heard you are looking for freelancers,” I asked him. He continued to stare while his wife asked, “Do you have experience?” I had had enough. “I have experience in cooking stories, just like you cook food.”
* A guy told his friend, “My wife knows I am a confirmed flirt.” “Ya, she told me last week in the beach,” the friend replied.
*Why so much about couples in this post? Hehe. My wedding anniversary today. OK, join the party in Sharjah, my darling blog buddies.
Shaadaab, Ansar and me have been going together for evening tea sessions for the past 10 years. 
