Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sit down, Johnny

The role of private detectives always intrigued me as a journalist. I heard about a private agency in Dadar, Mumbai, and decided to meet its boss.
The guy proved to be enterprising. He invited me to his house. I knocked at the gate. And the door opened instantly. But guess what. There were two huge Alsatian dogs, black and grey in colour. They were looking so ferocious it seemed like they could reduce me to pulp in minutes. As I stood almost pissing in my pants, the boss passed a loving command to the beasts.
“Sit down, Johnny.”
I peeped in to see the gentleman smiling. “Don’t worry. They won’t harm you,” he smiled.
What sit down? Already one was licking my leg and another was reaching for my shoulder. OMG. I was sweating profusely despite the AC.
Somehow, I managed to chat and get a good story. He mentioned about how a gang would approach innocent people and tell them there was crow shit or some muck on their shirts. After diverting their attention, they would pick the victims’ pockets and escape. His group helped the police arrest the gang.
He presented me a thick stick made of special plastic. I had placed it at my home as a safety weapon for my wife when I went on night duty. One early morning, when I returned, my wife opened the door on hearing the bell, but was holding that stick ready to attack.
Thank God, she did not.
Given a chance she would is another matter.


  1. I am sure this lot would be a very interesting one to meet. I enjoyed the hindi movie 'Badshah' where SRK plays the role of a private detective.
    A person welcoming you with a stick should be a sight to behold specially after a night shift.

  2. This IS and interesting story, Ramesh. I think every wife would dream of trying it....!

  3. Nice post. Here is a true story. One guy, who had permnent night duty, bought a gun for his wife's safety and gave to her. He went to work that night but came home early. The wife mistook him for an intruder and shot him dead.

  4. Ramesh I would have had a heart attack I am so scared of dogs, particularly when they try to be friendly with me.

  5. I am scared of dogs. I would probably faint or something. I love reading your 'escapades as a journalist'!

  6. hey nice post...@ SG, LOL at your true story :)

  7. You have a very interesting professional history attached to you....private detective woooh!!! would like to hear the story you for dogs (man's best friend)..yes most of the people are scared of dogs....we have one labrad. who barks very hard every time he hears someone knock our door ...we too try to calm him down by saying ...SIT DOWN TOMMIE.

  8. I was working in Chennai for a brief period in 2002. Those days, I used to visit a local bar to unwind. One night, I bumped into a private detective. He went on boasting about his escapades that I had to gulp my drink down as fast as possible and skedaddle from the place!

  9. ha nice.There are lots that keeps your interests. Your inquisitiveness is 24/7 alive. Great :)

  10. I too had a brush with death when another "guard dog" took upon himself to protect his master!!!
    My father and I were dragging an old cupboard out of the gate, when our neighbour's dog decided that we were tresspassing! He bounced towards us making a horrible noise which I suppose was a growl! My father was nearer to the entrance and had to defend himself. So he let of the massive cupboard which evidently slammed into the ground and after I broke its fall!
    My father is 6.2 feet tall and when the dog jumped up, he was almost as tall as my father!
    Mercifully our neighbor was watching and came running and stopped the dog by just tapping his tail! Alsatian's jaws snapped inches away from my father but thankfully he was unhurt! I ran away yelling...frightened to the core!
    I ended up with minor bruises and a severely hurt ego :P!!

  11. lol!!!!

    I am scared of dogs :D But u know I always have a strong feeling that I would make a good detective :D

  12. Nice one.. Every wife's dream fantasy is to dominate their husband's.... lol,,,, i love dogs....

    keep it up Ramesh.. have a great day

  13. What happened to my comment? You have a very impressive and interesting professional history and i completely enjoy reading your posts...even i have a labr. as a pet...guests call up first to make sure if he is chained before they knock our door...i too tell him SIT DOWN ,TOMMIE.

  14. I am scared silly of all kinds of dog..they dont have to be big or ferocious looking..I can empathise with you perfectly here. hey have started doing half day work for a publishing house here..mornings..writing and also a bit as editoria asst. Goddd I really hope I get paid this time..

  15. Dogs again scary of almost every animal,not just dogs..and that too's a term i quite baptise my ferocious teachers with :D..
    and detective, he like some funny guy wearing a cowboy hat and tux??? :D..images from those mallu and talli movies :D

  16. I had a Pomerian jump on me when I was a kid. And that was enough for me to spend so many years being afraid of dogs.

    A Pomerian--- Hah! I can't think of a bigger loser right now. :D