Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Where two is crowd

Loneliness. It’s a subject most people will never understand.
A close friend of mine is single and is based in Bangalore. “My mom has passed away and the only companions I have are two sweet parrots,” he told me.
“My dog companion was everything to me. Now that she is no more, I find myself all alone,” cried a pretty Arab woman who is my dear friend in Sharjah.
I rate AA among the rare people who have only goodness in their heart and know not the meaning of hatred. The word “anger” simply does not exist in his dictionary. And this Parsi pal has preferred to keep himself aloof from the hustle-bustle of Mumbai and moved to a Pune suburb. That the area offers very few amenities does not bother him. All he wants is to be left alone. But deep in his heart, he wants company too.
The list can go on. When I asked a couple of friends, they came out with the usual suggestions for lonely souls: Enjoy your own company, solitude is a blessing, join some class, find a girlfriend/boyfriend, read books, learn music, meditate, blah blah blah.
One even threatened in a shrill voice: “Loneliness can lead to clinical depression.”
Personally, even when I take a walk for 10 minutes on the road, I would have said Hi to 10 people. I swear. That’s my nature. I have a job, do exercises, have a small circle of friends, have great blog buddies and if a person like me can at times feel lonely, I understand what my dear friends mentioned above go through.
The solution?
Now you asked a million dollar question. You better answer that yourself. Am waiting to hear your point of view.


  1. The solution ?? Isn't it Obvious??? I thot it was.
    Here it is....

    GET A COMPANY.. (The primary solution)

    Secondary ones:
    Join the army.
    Join a charity organisation.
    Adopt a child.
    Adopt ME. I'm ready. :-)
    Learn a new trade.

    Think creative and different.

  2. I dont know the solution, however being alone for a while is cool... but as days go by I always start longing for friends and family.

  3. Ethics for the New Millennium by H.H. The Dalai Lama addresses this subject. Coincidentally I just read this not long ago. He attributes most loneliness to the need for human affection (not necessarily physical). The book has long been returned to the library, but I found an excerpt online.

    On why The Dalai Lama says he's never lonely:

    "I think one factor is that I look at any human being from a more positive angle. I try to look for their positive aspects. This attitude immediately creates a feeling of affinity, a kind of connectedness.

    And it may partly be because on my part, there is less apprehension, less fear that if I act in a certain way, maybe the person will lose respect or think that I am strange. So because that kind of fear and apprehension is normally absent, there is a kind of openness..."

    As for getting to this place? I am still trying to get there myself...it takes a lot of effort. I spend about 85% of the time satisfied, but 15% of the time I feel lonely and sad. The only advice I can give your friends is to just try and focus on your connection with all life, not just people or animals and allow yourself to grieve when you need to.

  4. Dear Ramesh Bhai,

    It's a nice piece of writing.

    Yes "Loneliness is next to Godliness”, but it works only when a person seriously wants time for himself to ponder over something which is very important in his life.

    But for people who are already in a state of deep depression, loneliness slowly becomes a curse.

  5. At times, writing has been the panacea to my lonliness...

  6. Hi Ramesh.. This one very emotional to me. People feel lonely when they dont have none. But there are people who have everyone and everything in life but still feel lonely. I think this dilemma can never be understood atleast i can never....

    Yes “Loneliness can lead to clinical depression.” its very easy to tell people what we need but very difficult to understand our own heart.

    Its a very nice piece of thought Ramesh! keep it up, very great stuff.


  7. Loneliness can be quite depressing. But there is another form of lonliness which is even worse - 'To be lonely in a crowd'. When you have people in your life, yet you are alone. Deadly!

  8. I doubt if there is a solution. Human beings manage to be miserable in the best of circumstances. Those who are lonely crave for company and those who have company want to be left alone.

  9. It's so lonely when you don't know yourself. Once you get to know yourself and the things u want, you are not left with enough time to be lonely. :-)

  10. Loneliness is a very sad feeling!!!! I agree with phoenix. Being lonely in a crowd is even worse.

  11. Loneliness by choice is great, there is so much blabber that a person can endure.

  12. Sometimes loneliness is good for life and sometimes...

  13. Having time alone is amazing and refreshing. esp if you are comfortable with your self. I would have to say though that we are never alone.. but sometimes need to find a quiet place to find that voice inside...Maybe your friends just need to be reminded. just stopped by to return your visit and say thank you.

  14. 'A bore deprives you of solitude without providing you with company' as Oscar wilde said. So it's better sometimes to be alone than to have jus someone to share company with. But I think the real thing is to know how to find sth special in EVERYone.
    Me personally I don't fell lonely when I know that I have people around me (also all over the world) who understand me and are eager to share their real life. Striving for close relations is one of ways of getting rid of solitude. But who said that we all die in solitude...? :)