Tuesday, September 28, 2010

‘Diverse’ society: He, she & they

He married twice, had kids, gave up and married another woman, who had married twice and had kids. The children of the spouses joined the well-wishers and blessed the couple.
She is married, has a son, and is now separating from her husband, opting to wed a younger man.
He is married, but not happy with his wife. She loves him and struggles to keep the relation going.
She is an Indian, not married, but prefers to live with him in Germany. She has two foster children now.
He’s an Indian in love with a local girl, ended up marrying an African.
She is here in the UAE, he is there in India. Both love each other, but hardly meet.
These are a few instances I know of personally.
A few years ago, most of these acts would have been scandals. Thank or blame globalisation, not so any more. It’s all in the mind.
With the combined stress of homework and office work telling on them, a colleague told me that many women now prefer to remain homemakers even when they had top academic qualifications.
Well, well. The society is changing. Money, money… Run, run.
That’s the norm.
Buddies, don’t waste time. On your mark, get set. Hey, don’t run so fast, me wanna join you.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Wife and the wallet

It was not the right joke to read on the Net when my wife is in town, but it went like this:
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a gorgeous woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!""What happened?" asked his friend.
"My wife found out..."
I read this aloud and my wife looked at me angrily.
“But you are such a good wife. You never ask to buy anything,” I tried to please her.
“Thanks. All I need is a new cellphone,” she replied.
Before I could recover from the shock, she added: “Let’s not go for an expensive laptop. Our daughter can adjust with a cheaper one.”
“Will you think of anything for me?” I asked.
“Of course. Let’s buy a bigger wallet for you. The one you have is too small.”

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Carry on doctor

I thought doctors are serious, introverted people who stick to their work day and night - blood, injections, death certificates. I was wrong. Many doctors have active blogs and wonderful friends’ circles. Some even take to politics. Fiery trade union leader Dr Datta Samant was so powerful, when I asked for an interview, he replied: “Meet me midnight, maybe I will be free.” I interviewed him surrounded by labourers.
The Mumbai dentist who fleeced me was active on stage. Once he was doing root canal while murmuring something. I was screaming with pain. He told me: “You create so much drama I will forget my lines for today’s drama.”
There’s this old doctor in Chennai who will rip the rich. But when it comes to poor he will melt. A poor relative of mine used this weakness. After getting the prescription, the uncle will shake his fingers through his torn shirt pocket. The doctor will smile and say “namaste.” The uncle will escape.
Interestingly, many of my dentist friends are dentist-couples. How is it? Do most dentists fall in love at college? Shucks, why female journalists never followed suit?
PS: Murphy is not leaving me. I had an offer to visit China. I was told I had to leave on Sept.24. On that date, my bitter-half, oh, better-half, is arriving in Dubai. So China, next time.
Hey buddies, read this joke on the Net.
A doc tells patient: “Sorry, you have little time to live.”
How long?
“10 what? Years, days?
“9,8…” continued the doctor.

Monday, September 20, 2010

When I was in tears

I rushed from the kitchen when the door bell rang. It was the laundry boy.
“How much?” I asked collecting the clothes.
But he was staring at me with much sympathy.
“Anna sugamthanne?” (Brother all OK?) he asked in a compassionate tone.
“I am OK. How much?” I repeated.
“Ten dirhams. But everyone fine at home? Do you need any help?” he asked again.
I was wondering what was wrong with this guy.
Picking the money, he said, “Don’t keep worrying. Everything will be fine.”
After he left, I went to my room and tried to arrange the clothes in the cupboard. It was then that I glanced at the mirror and realized what was wrong.
My eyes were red, with flowing tears.
I had been peeling onion for a sumptuous “sambar.”
He had assumed I was crying.

Friday, September 17, 2010

This pain is a gain

Watching films with friends has its own charm. She was a new colleague. Our office in Mumbai was surrounded by cinema houses. “I have a pass for a comedy movie. Wanna join?” she asked. Am I mad to say no? Hey, no mischief OK. A wonderful friend she was, and is. She enjoyed the movie thoroughly, but I did not. Why? For every dialogue, she was laughing out so loud that others would look at me like a cat pricked with a needle. At times, her laughter was like thunder. A dodo even told her, “Volume please.”
When the movie ended, she asked, “Good movie, right?”
“Thunderous comedy,” I replied.
She thought I was talking about the film.
Three of us were at a movie hall and one was an expert in whistling. For every punch dialogue by Rajnikant, the hero, he sent out a loud whistle. The man sitting next to us was a short-tempered dumbo. He kept shouting at my friend. The altercation almost ended in fisticuffs. The fun was lost. I wonder what is fun in a cinema hall without whistles, popcorn sounds and humourous comments. For some it may be a pain, but sometimes pain is gain. Like when muscles ache after exercise..vallah, I enjoy that pain.
Hey, a Mulla Nasruddin joke.
Mulla was returning with wife after interval at the theatre. “Did I step on your tow as I went out?” he asked a man at the end of the row. “You did and not even apologise,” replied the angry man. Mulla ignored him and called his wife, “Ya darling, this is our row.”

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Stay hungry, stay foolish

All sorts do make the world. Some grumpy goats remain as cold as ice even when we discuss serious matters.
I was choking when I narrated an incident to an acquaintance: “This wonderful friend was engaged to a cheerful, handsome guy. I was very happy for her. Now, I am in distress when I hear the boy is no more.”
His reply: “Hmmm.”
No emotions.
I was telling another grumpy guy about how Apple’s Steve Jobs struggled in his early days. Jobs’ biological mom put him for adoption. “We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?” she had asked. He didn’t have a dorm room and slept on floor in friends’ room. He returned Coke bottles and would walk seven miles every Sunday night to get a good meal at the Hare Krsna temple in the US. The Whole Earth Catalogue carried a line: Stay hungry, stay foolish. This line had a deep impact on Jobs.
I thought I had given an inspiring speech but all that the irritable friend replied was, “I see.” I realized I was talking to the wall.
No expression. No reaction.
To add insult to injury, the guy started talking about his “stupid” boss, who threw files on the floor whenever he got angry. Saying this, he laughed loudly.
This time I turned expressionless.
What a sweet revenge.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Bury the worry

“I do not want to be a believer. I want to be the knower,” said Rabindranath Tagore. “I want to be innocent enough so that existence reveals its mysteries to me.” Profound words.
When I read this I remembered a Tamil actor I interviewed years ago. “I am a God-fearing guy,” he told me. I instantly asked him, “Why should we fear God? Should we not love God?”
It’s sad that fanaticism is on the rise. Wish more and more people realise that God is global and unifying, not divisive. I and a dear blog friend always address God as GG (Global God).
OK, no serious stuff. Let’s bury worry and go for a joke.
The barber asked Mulla Nasruddin, “What happened? You are losing hair fast.”
“Worries,” replied Mulla.
“What worry?”
“About losing my hair.”

Friday, September 10, 2010

This bowl can never be filled

Eid Mubarak.
I love this Sufi story. Am sure you will too.
A beggar came to an emperor and said, “I will accept your charity only on one condition.” The emperor was shocked. Here’s a beggar who imposes a condition to accept alms.
“What?” he asked.
“I accept only if you can fill my begging bowl absolutely.”
The king looked at the small bowl. “You think I cannot fill this dirty, tiny bowl?” he shouted and ordered his assistant to fill it with diamonds, pearls and other precious stones. The bowl was filled, but the king and courtiers were shocked. As the gems fell into the bowl, they disappeared. It was filled many times, and each time the bowl turned empty. “I will not lose to a beggar. Even if all my treasures are emptied, no hassle. Fill the bowl,” ordered the king. Soon the treasures were emptied. Everything just disappeared in the bowl.
At last the king pleaded with the beggar. “What’s the secret?”
“Simple,” laughed the beggar. “I made the bowl of human ego. Nothing can completely fill a man’s ego.”

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Oh boy, what did the girl say?

Osho Rajneesh mixed philosophy with humour. I was reading about him and picked these two jokes from his speech to share with you.
A man loved two beautiful women and was always in trouble. (Even one beautiful woman is trouble enough..Hehe). Both the women wanted to know whom he loved most. They took him on a motorboat to a lake. Once in the middle of the lake, which was deep, they stopped the boat and told him, “We cannot take it anymore. Tell us whom you love most.” The man understood his predicament. He thought deeply and replied: “I love each of you more than the other.”
A boy was brought to court for stealing a girl’s bicycle. “I did not steal. She gave it,” he argued. “She was riding me home on the handlebars and stopped in the woods; took off her coat and jeans and said I can have anything. I preferred the bicycle.”
The philosopher’s advice: “Just be intelligent. Don’t take the bicycle,”

Sunday, September 5, 2010

All sorts make the world

I was talking to photo studio owner Salim about different kinds of people, when he narrated about a guy he knew.
This fellow had a habit of going close to things and reading aloud the names printed on them. For example, if he saw a sticker “Open” on the door, he would read aloud “Opennn.” If he sees an ointment lying on the floor, he would loudly read “Soframycinnn.”
This guy came with a group of friends to click a snap. Salim had lined up the guys for a group snap, gone back to his camera and was about to shoot, when he saw a dark image closing on the lens. Shocked, he lifted his face from the camera to see the guy covering the camera lens with his face and shouting, “Nikonnn.”
One guy I knew loved to sing, but with his eyes closed. One day, three of us cheered him with a “wow..,” for the first two lines and slowly sneaked away to the canteen. When we returned he blasted us saying, “You crooks. The boss screamed at me.”

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Hips pay for lips’ folly

The problem with a mirror is it always reflects the truth and the truth is that truth is bitter.
Four of us entered the elevator and all three, except me, instantly glanced at the mirror and looked pleased. Only I did not care to look. OK. I did. Why don’t you guys allow me to tell a lie once in a while?
What I saw left me aghast.
While my mind always refuses to have a broad outlook, my tummy did. Gosh. A fat, ugly tummy.
As someone said, the hips pay for lips’ folly (in eating. What did you think?).
I remembered how I pulled my friend’s leg when he tried to stand on a weighing machine: “It doesn’t allow more than one person to stand on it.”
I warned him, “eat to live, not live to eat.” Now, what I am not eating is eating me up: The home food. Unhealthy and untimely hotel food can be damaging and it shows on me.
Hey buddies, don’t worry. I have found a solution. I will start cooking myself. That will be good enough reason to stop eating. I will then shed flab, no fat, only fit. Heyyyyy. Yummy idea. Wanna join? I am waiting to cook for you.