Slapped by robot

My friend Satyajit Chattopadhyay sent this Internet joke. I found it hilarious and am sure you will enjoy reading:

A man buys a Lie-detector robot that slaps people who lie.
He decided to test it at dinner:
Dad: Son where were you today during school hours?
Son: At school (robot slaps son)
Son: Okay I went to the movie!
Dad: Which one?
Son: Harry Potter (robot slaps again!)
Son: Okay I was watching porn.
Dad: What? When I was your age...I didn't even know what porn was! (robot slaps dad)

Mom: hahaha! after all he is your son!...

(robot  slaps Mom)!!

Future is bright

Friend Anil has worked in major newspapers and has a good sense of humour. He dropped in and shared this joke:
Two donkeys grew up together. One landed in the palace for job, while the other went to a laundryman’s home.
After many years the two met again.
“How do you do?” asked the tired donkey of the washerman.
“Life is great. They take good care of me in the palace and there is very little work,” replied the royal donkey. “But what happened to you? Why have you lost so much weight?”
“Well. The washerman makes me work too hard. I am forced to carry heavy weights and also beaten up often,” the donkey replied, showing some bruises.
“Why don’t you escape from that stupid washerman?” asked the royal donkey.
“I don’t want to. After all, my future is bright.”
“How do you say that?”
“Every night the washerman fights with his wife and shouts, ‘very soon I will divorce you and get our daughter married to our donkey’.”

Just for a break

I had been to the Emirates Humour Club meeting yesterday in Dubai. Lemme share just three jokes I heard there;
* A man was looking at a new three-storey building in a dejected mood.
“Why you look so sad?” asked a passer-by.
“I have completed three floors of this building,” he replied.
“Lovely. So this is your building.”
“Ya. But I am just wondering who is the land owner!”

* Son was crying. Dad asked why.
“Mom beat me.”
“Don’t cry. Have you seen me crying when your mama beats me?”

* “Wake up that sleeping guy,” the lecturer told James.
“Sir, first you make him sleep and now you ask me to wake him up,” replied James.
NB: Hey, who's that running after me with a stick! These jokes are not mine.

Morons in business

Long time, no jokes, I told comrade Anil. He shared what he had heard:
Four morons decided to start a business. “A restaurant is the best,” suggested one. All agreed and pooled a huge investment to start a restaurant. Even weeks after the inauguration, not a single customer entered the eatery.
Reason: They had put a board “Outsiders not allowed.” (Instead of “outside food”).
They decided to start a garage. Weeks after, there was not a single vehicle that came for servicing.
Reason: Their garage was on the second floor.
Fed up, they decided to run a taxi. Weeks after, there was not a single passenger.
Reason: All four of them were in the taxi all the time.
No business anymore, cried one. Okay, let’s push the vehicle into the sea and disperse, said another.
One full day they tried, but the vehicle did not budge an inch.
Reason: Two were pushing from the front, while two were pushing from the rear.
Concluding, Anil asked me: “Could you lend them a helping hand?”
Why me, do I look like a moron? I asked him.
“Which moron accepts he’s one?” he asked and disappeared before I could clench my fist.

No recession in humour

A section of the audience. Hey, who is that scribbling something in right corner?

Humour Club members present a skit
(This is a news report I wrote for our newspaper today on humour, so a bit lengthy. Grin and bear it)

Scorching summer and raging recession can crush the spirits of even a strong-willed man, but what better way to handle daily stress than by chilling out and laughing to our heart’s content. That’s precisely what an august crowd of 100 was doing on a pre-August weekend at Balaji Bhavan in Karama, Dubai.
They were all members of the Emirates Humour Club (EHC). What started with a handful of curious people sharing jokes has become a talk of the town in eight months.
The members meet for non-stop laughter from 5pm to 7pm on the second Friday of every month.
“EHC also stands for ‘Eeeee, Haaaa, Corner’ where once in a month, ordinary people gather, laugh it out and become extraordinary people. This is one forum where people take humour seriously and everything else in life lightly,” say KG Guna and Suresh Krishnan, who are the brain behind the club. Both are seasoned entertainers and communicators with a penchant for humour.
The organisers declared at the outset, “No jokes related to sex, politics or religion.”
The mini hall reverberated with sounds of laughter every time a participant shared a joke with the audience.
Many people hesitate to go to the dais and share a joke. “If I say something they will laugh,” they say. “But is not the whole idea to do that?” ask the organisers.
Why is it that the crowd comprises mostly south Indians and a lone Filipina?
“Well, as the name suggests, our doors are open to one and all. But maybe the message has not yet reached strongly across all communities,” says Guna.
The participants churned out jokes in quick succession. A few samples:
* A wife tells her hubby, “Get me a job in your office.” His reply: “Why? You don’t want me to sleep in peace at office too?”
*A Grade I boy child tells mom, “I want to take tuitions.” “You are just in Grade I. Who will take your help?” asked the mom. “Some kindergarten girls are willing.”
* A newborn child tells mom: “Give your cellphone, hurry.”
Why?
“I wanna give a miss call to God. I am born perfect. Thanks.”
*After a bus accident some lost their legs and hands and were screaming. The conductor tells one of them, “There is a man there who has lost his head. Is he screaming like you?”
The organisers say that the club was started with a noble intention of offering relief to hard working residents of the UAE. The subscription is free at the moment.
Residents can simply walk to the venue and register their details. They will be intimated about all activities of the club by email and telephone. EHC’s joke of the week is also sent to members regularly by email.
The president of the club opens the proceedings with a humorous welcome address which is followed by the “general humour session.” The compere breaks the ice with the opening remarks and calls out from the list to the podium to share humour.
Joke sharing is the basic requirement for a humorist. Applied humour like mimicry, slapstick comedy and miming are also in the fray.
Besides, humorous skits are part of the activities at the EHC and with every session special skits spanning 10 to 15 minutes enthrall the audience, covering latest developments from the media and around the world.
Finding a venue proved troublesome initially. That was when Kalai Chelvan, a fun lover, allowed us to use a hall on the first floor of Balaji Bhavan. Seeing the happy faces, the managing director of a private company, AG Perumaal, agreed to sponsor future meetings, say the organisers.
“The bottom line is that EHC is committed to change the lives of many for better. After all ‘Smile is a simple curve that can make everything straight.’ Let us straighten up, smile and make a difference,” echo Guna and Suresh.

Another tiny joke

Heard a joke while watching the film Shoot ‘em up.. which goes like this:
Why is a mobile phone better than a wife?
???
“Because we can put a mobile on ‘silence’ mode”
I laughed more because in my house it’s the other way round.

Tiny joke for a change

A rogue saw a simple man crossing the road.
“Hey, monkey” he mockingly called out.
“Yes, my son,” replied the shrewd man.

A joke for a change

Here’s a joke as told by colleague Ansar Salim.
A man purchases a ticket at a cinema counter and moves towards the hall. He rushes back to the counter in a few minutes and asks for another ticket. He repeats the process five times. Amused, the counter guy asked him, why are you buying so many tickets? The hassled man replied: “What to tell you! Some idiot is standing at the entrance of the hall and tears away the ticket every time I try to enter.”

A joke for a change

"You idiot," screamed a man at his acquaintance and the reaction was instant: "You said idiot and I remembered. How's your dad?"