A couple of complex couples

I asked a friend whether he opted for love marriage or arranged.
“You want to know whether I opted for suicide or murder?” he joked.
Marriage indeed is a complex subject.
I know a couple married for long, but never talk to each other. They even have a son. When I entered their home, the husband moved out quickly without uttering a word. Wonder how they live together without talking to each other for so many years.
Another friend’s wife had a peculiar habit. She will make certain demands. If refused, she will wake up at night and create a scene by cutting her wrist.
A close buddy recently bought a Land Cruiser. His wife refused to talk to him for three days. Reason: The guy allowed a female colleague to sit on the front seat next to him while dropping her home.
When I tried to convince her, she snapped: “Will your wife allow a girl to sit next to you in your new car?”
“First, I do not have a car. Second, if my wife had been so possessive…,” I stopped and thanked God.
The subject also reminds me of a joke from the Internet.
“Doctor, any medicine for long life?”
“Get married.”
“How will it help?”
“You will forget need for long life.”

A confirmed flirt

My friend AKV looked sheepishly around, convinced himself that his wife was not around, and told me in a whispering tone, “My wife knows I am a confirmed flirt.”
Most people are. He was just being honest.
Hey, don’t give me that look. I am innocent. I don't even know the meaning of that word.
According to a study, 35% of people using personal ads for dating are already married!
Has the society changed?
I don’t know. You tell me.
But I can share a joke.
Tommy asked his granddad, “How to patav (attract) that girl?”
“Give her nice gifts. Even a beautiful rose will do,” said the old man trying to please the GenNext.
The boy rushed off cheerfully. The next week, Tommy returned to the old man and said: “Now tell me. How do I get rid of her?”

Mama don’t preach

“Do you know what my little daughter scribbled in her notebook?” asked a shocked mom and close friend of mine.

“What?”

“I wanna fall in love,” she said sounding worried. The child is just in Grade 3.

I am not surprised.

I was hearing two days ago from a teacher this story.

A Grade 4 girl rushed to the teacher and said in a hush-hush tone: “Warn this boy. He is talking nonsense and saying he will make me pregnant.”

The stunned teacher called the boy and admonished him: “She is your classmate and like your sister.”

The boy reacted: “This girl talks too much ma’am. She is spreading rumours in class that I look at porn sites.”

The teacher blushed more than the students.

These are real life stories, not made up by me.

Information explosion is having a negative impact on kids. Just like the knife that can be used for good purpose (cutting vegetables) and for killing people, Internet has dangerous flip sides. All depends on how we use the medium.

Media has been unhelpful. India’s top newspaper carries this headline on its website’s front page: “Ten kissing commandments.”

Tauba tauba. I am not getting deeper into this post. I am an innocent little lad.

‘Diverse’ society: He, she & they

He married twice, had kids, gave up and married another woman, who had married twice and had kids. The children of the spouses joined the well-wishers and blessed the couple.
She is married, has a son, and is now separating from her husband, opting to wed a younger man.
He is married, but not happy with his wife. She loves him and struggles to keep the relation going.
She is an Indian, not married, but prefers to live with him in Germany. She has two foster children now.
He’s an Indian in love with a local girl, ended up marrying an African.
She is here in the UAE, he is there in India. Both love each other, but hardly meet.
These are a few instances I know of personally.
A few years ago, most of these acts would have been scandals. Thank or blame globalisation, not so any more. It’s all in the mind.
With the combined stress of homework and office work telling on them, a colleague told me that many women now prefer to remain homemakers even when they had top academic qualifications.
Well, well. The society is changing. Money, money… Run, run.
That’s the norm.
Buddies, don’t waste time. On your mark, get set. Hey, don’t run so fast, me wanna join you.

Blushing woman, bashing husband

India is zooming ahead economically, but disconnect between rich and poor is scary and funny. You worry about the scary bit and I will explain the funny aspect.
As a reporter I made friends with lots of social workers. A medico social worker working for the municipal hospital in Navi Mumbai told me that handling the poor was tough.
Once a guy brought his badly-injured brother to hospital. The doctors rushed the victim to the emergency ward and asked the brother to donate blood. But the brother was so innocent; he was scared he would die if he donated blood. “I don’t want to die for him. You will put a needle and suck all my blood,” he kept crying. It took hours of persuasion.
There are several cases in such hospitals where relatives dump patients for treatment and sneak away. They just cannot afford to pay.
Once a social group wanted to do a survey among slum dwellers about family planning. The volunteer asked a woman, “Do you know about contraceptives?” The woman first blushed, then turned furious and screamed, “Heyyy, you husbanddd.”
A plump guy rushed out, pulled the volunteer by the collar and pushed him out of the house.
The volunteer was trained well. He moved on to the next hutment.
“Do you use condoms?” he asked the householder.
“No, what's it? How many condoms can we eat daily? the slumdweller asked.

To be or not to be – a TV slave

Believe me, I have been away from the Idiot Box for two years. I do not have a cable connection but watch movies on my DVD. Have I missed anything? Absolutely nothing, except maybe BBC, CNN and Sun/Jaya TV (to check on hometown happenings).
The illeffects of TV have been discussed for years; how it leaves people overweight; how kids who view violent acts show aggressive behavior; etc. According to the British Journal of Sports Medicine, long periods sitting before TV leads to obesity, heart disease, cancer and diabetes and higher risk of death, irrespective of moderate or vigorous exercise.
OK, enough of scaring you. My anger at TV is the discord it creates at homes. I knocked at a relative’s door in Chennai and heard a loud noise: “Rascal, Why did you come back. Get lost.” Oh, it was from the TV.
Oof. I wiped my sweat when the relative opened the door. He looked at me and again at the TV. The entire bloody family were like maniacs addicted to TV. It took 20 minutes for the serial to end and the folks to return to normal and recognize my presence.
I know families that have split because of TV. How? Elderly people spend time before TV. Several middle class families in Mumbai/Chennai live in 1 or 2 room houses. Children are not able to study in peace. Wives returning home after a hard day’s work end up quarelling with their inlaws. What? Not in your house? You are lucky buddy.
But at home I can’t complain. My wife is jumping with joy. The political party in Tamil Nadu which formed the government distributed free colour TVs to all families. And she got one free for my home.
Hey, why am I complaining about TV?

Battered husbands

“Life’s a war. You are on a chariot. Fight arrows attacking you in the form of greed, anger, desire etc. Retaliate with darts of compassion and kindness. Hold on to God, who drives the chariot.” my friend was going on.
“Boss, change the subject,” I said. “No philosophy now.”
“OK, how’s your friend?”
"Which friend?”
“That guy who was regularly beaten up by his wife,” he replied.
“How do you remember something I told you years ago? Well, that guy was my landlord in Ghatkopar, Mumbai, and we as bachelors shared a room in his house. Their family of four used to sit for dinner together at the adjascent room and within minutes we would hear furious noises. The hefty woman would push him so hard that many times he landed in our room,” I recollected.
The guy would then rise up and advice us: “Mehnat se kamav, kushi se kaav.” (Work hard, eat happy).
“Poor guy,” my friend remarked.
Suddenly I woke up. “Why did you remember him now?”
“Can’t you see the bruises?” he asked, rubbing his hands.
Oh, now I understand why he turned a philosopher.

Life never ends for some

This comment of Vinisha, Mumbai, is interesting. So sharing with you:
"I don't really have a negative opinion on people who try to kill themselves. It's a personal choice really - they have their lives and they can choose to have enough of it when they please.
Of course, the vital question is whether people are really done living their lives. There's a sitcom on Star World "Grey's Anatomy" which had an episode on a 80 yr old guy who was in a coma for many years and finally woke up wishing he was dead. He tried everything from not eating to eating stuff his body couldn't take to sitting in a chair and using all the energy of his body into saying "I'll be dead now"
He doesn't die. He wants to because he's done living and everyone who was with him was gone with the exception of him. And then one fine day when hes ready to leave the hospital all dressed up, sitting in his bed by the window in the morning sunshine, he passes quietly away like a gentle breeze - sitting there just like that as if comtemplating back on his long lived life.
Sometimes I think I've had enough of living and then I decide to wait just for a little while more and see if I indeed have had enough and sure enough something else comes through that makes me want to live for a really really really long time. :)"

Deadly subject

This story in the Indian media is no laughing matter, but sorry, it did make me giggle.
A jobless man had a tiff with his wife. He decided to end his life, drove his spouse out of the house and locked himself in. He switched on the LPG cylinder and threatened to set himself ablaze. A huge crowd gathered. The cops were summoned. The guy was in no mood to listen to anyone. The firemen thought opening the door would be dangerous. So the team enacted a drama. Everyone pulled out as if they had lost
interest. The crowds were asked to hide at a distance. A couple of cops hid near the door. Pin-drop silence. After a few minutes, the man decided to check out what was happening. He slowly opened the door.
That was enough time to pin him down. Guess what, the angry man bit a policeman in the scuffle. And he is facing legal action for that.
Suicides. What a deadly subject. I had a colleague in my newspaper who was ever smiling and was doing her PhD. Once I met her mom, I told her: “Your daughter is ever smiling.” After a few months, this girl got married. It was a grand wedding at the Sion area of Mumbai where we were served varieties of food. Less than two years into the marriage, trouble began. The wonderful girl continued to smile but something went amiss. One day we got the news that she had consumed poison and died. We friends went to her house for the funeral. The first thing that the mom told me: “You said my daughter is always smiling. See her now. Is she not smiling now?”
What a tragic moment! I could not stand there for another second.
Strangely, I feel like recollecting Mark Twain’s words: “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

Love is blind

I had ample opportunity to fall in love, but did not have the guts, thinking if I fall I would get hurt, fatally. Why talk about that now?
Well, romance is an interesting subject. And when it does not concern me, I can be open, right?
This boy was flirting with that girl for three years. Suddenly, I get an
invitation for wedding. Only the name of the girl was different. Both of them were very close to me. The dejected girl has remained single for many years now. She’s so beautiful and humble, like all other friends of mine, especially you. (If you are a “He,” change the adjectives to handsome and humble).
I am sure each one of you has come across cases of people bruised by jilted lovers. Am I against love marriage? No, I am just wondering.
My friend mentioned, with figures, the increasing number of broken marriages. Mind boggling, boss. Of course, there are the successful ones too. We will discuss that later.
BTW, did I tell you about the “sister” trick? Just in a lighter vein. When a new girl entered our office, my colleagues, surprisingly often female colleagues, would prod me, “Is she your sister or exception?” If she’s pretty, she is an exception, if not, she’s my sister. One day, this girl SA (now woman) entered office. I promptly declared her “sister.” All the colleagues giggled and told her, “He is calling you sister.” She blushed and replied innocently, “Hey, I do not like these emotional touches ya.” Later, when she heard the real reason, she chased me up to the door with a “You croooookkkk.”
Conclusion? Nothing. Love is blind. This subject has no answer. You fall in love with someone and marry later, or marry and then fall in love. That’s none of my business. But as you happen to be my best friend, I can tell you: “For one to have peace, there is no alternative to loyalty, transparency and commitment from both parties.”

Don’t bank on credit cards

Credit cards have been playing havoc with the lives of people. Several families have been ruined. It’s a surprise that banks are not being punished legally and firmly for pushing loans to those who cannot afford to repay.
No wonder, at one time the Dubai police chief called for easing of regulations as the emirate’s jails were getting filled with people guilty of issuing bouncing cheques. Can you believe this? The UAE is estimated to have Dhs20 billion as outstanding payments on credit cards.
My own brother, who earns a very moderate salary in Mumbai, ended up with so many credit cards, he is now selling off his only house to repay and move on rent. He says he took one card to repay another, and another and another…Well..
“I am up to my ears in debt,” cried another victim to me.
Many refuse to live within their means. My appeal to at least those who visit this blog (you are my near and dear ones, I swear): Plzz, never allow this materialistic monster, credit card, to trap you.
Shucks, why are we getting serious? Let’s pick up a credit card joke from the Net: A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
PS: Until today, I do not have a single credit card. Do not know about the future.

When going gets tough…

He was a young man donning branded jeans, an attractive T-shirt and an expensive-looking backpack. He wore an eye-catching goggle.
He walked along the famous Al Wahda Street of Sharjah and as he reached a place where some dustbins were lined up, he casually dug out used soft drink cans from the garbage containers, crushed them under his feet, thrust them into his backpack and moved on as casually as he walked. Obviously, he was picking them for resale.
The onlookers stared in amazement.
Well, I told you that many UAE residents are facing rough weather thanks to recession. See what the National newspaper has carried as a lead story today.
Headline: One in 10 residents have lost their jobs.
According to a poll conducted by YouGov, one in 10 people in the UAE say they have lost their jobs in six months. Almost half say their companies have trimmed workforce and a quarter say colleagues have been asked to take unpaid leave.
The hardest-hit sectors were construction and property. According to the paper, 90 per cent surveyed say they felt there was a lack of transparency in the UAE about the current financial situation, a concern felt most widely among westerners (97 per cent).
Am I sounding worried and negative? No, I am perfectly cheerful and confident of moving ahead. Only thought I should share with my friends, youuuu, the reality.

Bell-bottoms & rat race

Times change, fashions alter and so do attitudes.
Time: During my school days, there were no TV sets. I am not talking about the 20s, am not a fossil yet. This was the 70s. A few homes that managed to get TV sets in India would see huge crowds from their streets during broadcast of popular films or songs. And some TV owners charged money from viewers, extra for colour television.
Fashion: During the 70s, bell-bottom was a rage. The challenge was to cover your shoes completely with your pant that hung loose. I was not allowed this by my parents but my brother managed to get such pants. And he passed it on. I used to wear them, look around thinking the entire neighbourhood is looking at a star. But the lane dog will start barking and the beautiful girl, Shanti, from "Saamne vaali kidki se" (opposite window) will vanish from sight. I gave it up soon and returned to normal pants.
Attitudes: We all worked as a team a decade ago. Now, trust deficiency among colleagues is common. I know one senior journalist who works in Bangalore. He was among the best journalists in Mumbai. His new paper was recently bought by a giant group. And a young reporter was sent to lecture staff like him on ethics of journalism. Which baby does not know that journalism today is nothing but bowing to the dictates of the marketing chief? That senior journalist had quit a cushy job because he could not digest the rape of journalism by the same giant group.
Of course, the youth are intelligent and dynamic. But the rat race is ruthless.

Where's the soup, boss?

Weather in Bangalore is great compared to the sticky, sultry Chennai. Earlier when I travelled by Shadabdi Express, I used to be thrilled by the various food items served by the train crew. Every hour we were served some snack, beverage or soup. This time I found the soup had gone missing and so did several other items. I saw some passengers complaining, but the reply was, "food prices have gone up sir, the train ticket has remained same."
Visited Forum Mall in Bangalore and came to the conclusion that the producers of Slumdog Millionaire and author of Booker prize-The White Tiger, Arvind Adiga, had not seen the other side of India, the prosperous category. They have clearly failed to notice the poverty-to-prosperity march by many Indians. The stinking rich have been openly flaunting their heavy pockets. I do not like this, but enjoy the prospect of everyone becoming rich or at least turning better off.
The scene at the mall was none different from the ones say in Dubai or Hamburg. In fact, people looked more happier and girls hugging boys on the street, which was uncommon earlier, is common now. Sorry red brigade, capitalism has helped India. Nein, of course, no denying there are millions going to bed without proper lunch/dinner, not even a full bread. Like the several red brigade activists who shout slogans against capitalists and end up in America for further studies/job, I am also confused. But I feel they have ample opportunity to rise up and grab the grub. The politicians too should give them a helping hand. Lemme tell you that there are some communists I have seen who have seriously good intentions, unfortunately, they seem to be too tied with their dogma and less flexible. Let the left and right move towards the centre, and watch the fun of "The Middle Path."
Haan, I liked the "Annadaan" programme of ISKCON. My wife is trying to be a regular contributor to this food project and it's good news that they feed thousands of hungry children and even have received a pat from the UN and Obama.

Strange encounter

I was crossing the Sharjah subway to reach my office when this well dressed young man approached me.
“You speak English?” he asked me.
Stunned by the stranger’s strange question, I replied: “A little.”
“You see. I have lost my job but luckily a new company has offered me one. But they say I have to cancel the visa. Do you think there is any problem?”
He was looking neat but pitiable. “Why do you worry. You say that they have given you the offer letter. So what hassle?”
“No they say that if my visa is delayed, other applicants’ also will be delayed. Why do they say that?”
The discussion went on in the same pattern. I could judge he was deeply disturbed like several hundreds who had lost jobs.
“Which company you have applied to?” I asked.
“I do not want to tell you that,” he said.
“Where are you from?”
“It does not concern you,” he replied though innocently.
“Why don’t you go back to your country?”
I asked.
“Cannot do that. I have lots of dues to settle.”
“Don’t worry. That job is yours,” I tried to convince him, moving towards my office.
“Anyway thanks,” he said and quietly stepped away.
Well, the social impact of recession is just beginning to show.

Wow lucky, it’s 2 birds

The hot tea session topic yesterday between me, Shaadaab and Ansar was “Superstition.”
It’s funny. All of us declared at the outset that we do not believe in superstitions, but there are several instances where we get influenced by “false notions.”
For example, a black cat crossing the road when I leave for work does rattle me a bit. I get overjoyed when two birds (any bird, hey, not that little boy and girl, you naughty) cuddle or play together. It’s a symbol of love and affection, you see.
Ansar knew of a man in Multan, Pakistan, who used to whitewash his house everyday. “Everyday,” he insisted.
Shaadaab’s dad used to get upset if anyone called out his name from behind while leaving for some work.
Close pal Dr Janardhan believed that getting up after sleep should be from the right side and not left.
There are other weird beliefs too. While eating you get hiccups, somebody remembers you; if I remember you and your phone call or mail arrives, you live a hundred years; a shiver means someone walking over your eventual grave; unlucky to button up any clothing wrongly (better start all over again); crossing two knives is bad luck; Irelanders believe if a bird poops on your head or car, good luck.
As for me, I take out all positive aspects of superstition. For example, if I happen to see the astrological column page in a magazine, I will check out my Tamil birthday predictions, if not positive, will move to the English one. If that is also negative forecast, I move on to star date. Somewhere, I will spot positive comments and then smile as if I had won the day.
What are your thinking about? OK, let’s add one of our own. Thinking like that brings good luck. Cheers.

Where two is crowd

Loneliness. It’s a subject most people will never understand.
A close friend of mine is single and is based in Bangalore. “My mom has passed away and the only companions I have are two sweet parrots,” he told me.
“My dog companion was everything to me. Now that she is no more, I find myself all alone,” cried a pretty Arab woman who is my dear friend in Sharjah.
I rate AA among the rare people who have only goodness in their heart and know not the meaning of hatred. The word “anger” simply does not exist in his dictionary. And this Parsi pal has preferred to keep himself aloof from the hustle-bustle of Mumbai and moved to a Pune suburb. That the area offers very few amenities does not bother him. All he wants is to be left alone. But deep in his heart, he wants company too.
The list can go on. When I asked a couple of friends, they came out with the usual suggestions for lonely souls: Enjoy your own company, solitude is a blessing, join some class, find a girlfriend/boyfriend, read books, learn music, meditate, blah blah blah.
One even threatened in a shrill voice: “Loneliness can lead to clinical depression.”
Personally, even when I take a walk for 10 minutes on the road, I would have said Hi to 10 people. I swear. That’s my nature. I have a job, do exercises, have a small circle of friends, have great blog buddies and if a person like me can at times feel lonely, I understand what my dear friends mentioned above go through.
The solution?
Now you asked a million dollar question. You better answer that yourself. Am waiting to hear your point of view.

Night life in Mumbai

Mumbai is a dynamic city that pumps up people’s enthusiasm. Working as a Chief Sub-Editor of The Times of India, VT, and traveling late back home to Navi Mumbai brought lots of interesting experiences. I am talking about the late 90s. There was one last train to Vashi at 12.49am. As our office was bang opp VT station, we could reach in a minute by just crossing the road. But on many occasions, me and my desk colleagues, missed the train. The option was to reach Dadar by train and hitchhike to Vashi. Truck, car, share-taxi anything was ok for us to reach dear home. One day we stopped an ambulance. I clearly remember how me and a colleague BM reluctantly entered the vehicle and thanked the driver who reached us home and not the hospital.
At one time, stray dogs were a nightmare. I just came out of Vashi railway station and the road was deserted. I saw a boy walking ahead of me and ran to join him thinking that dogs will spare groups. It was then that I saw him holding his blood-soaked wrist. He had been bitten by a dog. I advised him to rush to the local civic hospital, but he said he would go home and take somebody with him.
A colleague SB was once surrounded by a dozen dogs. Wondering what to do, he started screaming: “Arre bhai, koi hai? Bachaoo.” (anybody there, save me.) With no one to be seen around, he started singing Bollywood songs loudly thinking the dogs would spare him. Thankfully, he managed to reach home unscathed.
A good friend from Economic Times IB was a sincere companion. He used to joke, only 3 Ps are to be seen on the roads at such late hours: Press, Police and Prostitutes.
Hitchhiking experiences were interesting too. Let’s wait for a day or two.

Get back the bicycles

Kudos Seoul. The Seoul city government has initiated a $88 million “road diet” plan under which the number of lanes for passenger vehicles in major roads will be cut to create new bicycle paths. As per the proposal, 17 main cycle paths, totalling 200 kilometres, that criss-cross the sprawling city would be constructed.
Considering that Dubai and Sharjah have no consideration for pedestrians and cyclists (just try crossing any major highway like Sheikh Zayed Road) the news sounds great.
The bicycle is one of the best inventions of mankind ‑ clean, green and healthy mode of transportation. Leaving the cycle behind in city planning is a step backward and Global-Madrasi reserves the choicest rebuke for any city planner taking this path.
By the way, those who believe that the humble bicycle is only meant for workers and low-income groups, think again: I have come across a showroom in Dubai that sells a bicycle for as much as Dhs35,000 ($9,589).

Spare the rod…

Social attitudes are changing, fine. But I am appalled at the fact that teachers are not getting the respect they deserve. Teachers are the backbone of a society. During my school days, if I made a mistake and the teacher punished me, my father would not only thank the teacher, but also request him/her to be more strict with me. But look at a contradiction. A teacher was taking lessons at a Mumbai coaching institute, when a girl repeatedly disturbed the class. The angry instructor reprimanded the girl, and after repeated warnings failed, asked her to leave. Lo and behold, next day, the teacher was sacked by the institute. “Parents are complaining that you are too strict,” was all that the teacher was told.
What a shame! If I had the powers, I would force all parents to read the letter Abraham Lincoln wrote to a teacher.
Please, please, parents..read this
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Excerpts from Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher

He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just, all men are not true. But teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a hero; that for every selfish Politician, there is a dedicated leader... Teach him for every enemy there is a friend,
Steer him away from envy,if you can, teach him the secret of quiet laughter.
Let him learn early that the bullies are the easiest to lick... Teach him, if you can, the wonder of books... But also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun, and the flowers on a green hillside.
In the school teach him it is far honourable to fail than to cheat... Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong... Teach him to be gentle with gentle people, and tough with the tough.
Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon...
Teach him to listen to all men... but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth, and take only the good that comes through.
Teach him if you can, how to laugh when he is sad... Teach him there is no shame in tears, Teach him to scoff at cynics and to beware of too much sweetness... Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidders but never to put a price-tag on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob and to stand and fight if he thinks he's right. Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel. Let him have the courage to be impatient... let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will have sublime faith in mankind.
This is a big order, but see what you can do... He is such a fine fellow, my son!
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