Hair-raising flattery

SM was almost bald. Another friend TA was known for taking loans never to return.

TA needed money urgently.

He told SM: “Oooff.. did you dye your hair today?”

Blushing, SM answered, “I do not even have enough hair to comb.”

“Who said?  Man, don’t you know girls like semi-baldies?”

In a few minutes, TA managed to get a few hundred rupees “loan” from SM.

A week passed. We told SM that he was fooled.

A red-faced SM approached TA.

“Hey, your money is safe. But tell me, did you use shampoo today? Your hair is flying like in Rajnikant films,” TA replied.

A smiling SM returned to his seat with hands holding a comb. 

Years later, I am sure SM has not yet got back his money.

But there are people in history who hated sycophancy.

Philosopher Aristippus gained a comfortable position at the court of Dionysius, a tyrant, by constant flattery. One day, observing Diogenes preparing lentils for a meagre meal, Aristippus said: "If you would only learn to compliment Dionysius, you wouldn't have to live on lentils."

"And if you would only learn to live on lentils, you wouldn't have to flatter Dionysius," retorted Diogenes.

‘Cash box’ Ravi

“Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock,” joked my Net-crazy colleague. 

The key to success is not to have a lock, I replied, and told him about a friend.

Ravi had this habit of stealing money from his dad’s purse. His father did not know how to handle the situation until someone advised him to buy a “Gallapeti.” (Huge cash box –in Tamil).

The heavy cash box kept the money safe at home for the father. He saved more and more money in that, until one fine morning Ravi vanished with the “gallapetti” itself.

We friends nicknamed him “Gallapetti Ravi.”

Later, he became a computer programmer.

I can guess Ravi’s favourite key on the computer: “Escape.”

Life of purpose

It happened a fortnight ago. That day I felt uneasy for unknown reasons. I mentioned to my senior colleague my worry whether I would be able to meet my dad during my planned visit to India in July.

That night, I had unusually kept my mobile away. When the phone bell rang early morning, I struggled to pick it up and got the deadly message from my sister: “Dad is dead.”

Time heals. We have reconciled to the fact that he is no more. He lived a king’s life until 90, thoroughly honest and never was hospitalized. His purpose of life was to live a life of purpose.

Most relatives were around. I asked them what was happening in Chennai and they narrated some incidents:

*A couple bought plastic items at an exhibition and were travelling on a bike with their baby. A bucket fell on the road. The wife dropped the child to pick it up, but the baby crawled and was crushed by a truck.

* My friend’s neighbour, a rich man, had a heart attack. My friend rushed him to hospital and informed his son who was in the US. The son’s reaction: “Is he in the ICU? Show him on the Webcam.” 

* A man begging near the beach was identified as a millionaire. “Why are you doing this?” asked a friend. “This is to shame my sons who have ignored me,” came the reply.

Life is strange indeed.

Sorry, will be back ASAP

Grateful to everyone who wrote consoling words. Will be in touch individually with everyone who got in touch ASAP. Thanks and best wishes always.

Dear Dad

Lost my dear dad -in Chennai- old age. Please keep us in your prayers. 

Popeye myth: Spinach misconception

I was eating nuts when my colleague remarked, “Nuts for a nut. Perfect.”

I offered him some: “Take it. Peanuts for monkeys. Perfect.”

We laughed and he continued, “So you had spinach-cheese burger for breakfast!”

“How did you guess?” I was amused.

“You vegetarians cannot look beyond spinach. Where else will you get strength from?”

“You are wrong,” I told him. “The portrayal of Popeye the Sailor Man as physically strong because of his love for spinach has been proved to be erroneous.”

“Really?” he looked surprised.

I told him what I read on Net: German scientist Emil von Wolff misplaced a decimal point in an 1870 measurement of spinach's iron content, leading to an iron value 10 times higher than it should have been. This faulty measurement was not noticed until the 1930s.

“Thank God. I am never amused of spinach,” he said.

“But why are you against spinach?”

His answer: “While travelling on local trains in Mumbai, I had noticed slumdwellers using fields close to tracks as open toilets. And many such fields had spinach grown on them.”

WFP beefs up war on hunger

(This is a report written for our paper today)

'With each five dirhams donated to WFP, a hungry schoolchild can be fed for a whole week'

R. Ramesh

The UAE has taken up a primary role in the world’s fight against hunger by hosting the biggest UN emergency response hub of the World Food Programme (WFP) in Dubai.
The WFP manages the response hub with a United Nations Humanitarian Response Depot (UNHRD) and procurement services in Dubai and a United Nations Humanitarian Aviation Service unit (UNHAS) in 

Sharjah.Recently relocated to the Dubai Industrial City, the UNHRD Dubai’s 22,500-sq m covered warehouse facilities position it as the biggest depot within the UNHRD network.
These include temperature-controlled areas between 18-25˚C, chiller rooms with temperatures of 2-8˚C, and a large freezer room with a temperature of -18˚C.
In addition to this, there are several outdoor shaded storage areas for bulk items.
A billion hungry people 
It is estimated that one billion people suffer from hunger in the world today. Each year, undernutrition contributes to the death of five million children in developing countries.
“But what most people forget is that it takes so little to make a big difference. With each five dirhams donated to WFP, a hungry schoolchild can be fed for a whole week,” reveals Elise Bijon, WFP Partnership & Business Development Manager for the Middle East, North Africa and Central Asia.
“Our history in the Emirates is closely interlinked to the vision set by the Government of Dubai to establish a global logistical hub tailor-made to the requirements of the humanitarian community,” adds Mohammed Diab, WFP Country Director in the UAE and Director of Donor Relations in the Middle East.
“We are grateful to His Highness Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum, Vice-President and Prime Minister of the UAE and Ruler of Dubai, and IHC’s Chairperson Princess Haya Bint Al Hussein for their continuous support over the last ten years. Their understanding of our operational needs enabled us to set up what became today the world’s biggest UN emergency response hub,” he added.
Since its establishment in 2001, the WFP Dubai Office has become one of the world’s premier emergency preparedness and fast intervention bases.
“Through our various units, we play a direct role in emergency operations taking place in countries hit by conflicts and natural disasters across the Middle East and all around the world. At the moment, our teams are particularly busy deploying aid to South Sudan, Somalia and Syria,” elaborates Diab.
Set up as part of a network of five central depots located in strategic locations around the world (the UAE, Italy, Ghana, Panama and Malaysia), the UNHRD Dubai serves as a stockpiling platform for WFP and other UN agencies, governmental and non-governmental organisations, which chose to establish a logistical base in Dubai for its central location and world-class air and sea port facilities.
Offering shipping, warehousing and stock management services to aid organisations, the depot holds stock reserves of emergency relief goods such as high energy biscuits, ready-to-use supplementary food, ready-to-use therapeutic food for children suffering from acute malnutrition, ready-to-eat meals, medicines, tents, blankets, IT equipment, water purification units and vehicles. 

‘Everyone’s fight’

According to WFP officials, the UNHRD provided outbound shipping services to approximately 60 humanitarian organisations in more than 90 destination countries in 2011 from its Dubai hub. 
The total number of outgoing shipments from Dubai in 2011 was 650 (combination of sea, air and land) out of which 13 dedicated (charter flights) airlifts were sent to respond to major emergencies in Afghanistan, Ivory Coast, Libya, Turkey, Ethiopia, Nairobi and Somalia.
“Hunger is the world’s greatest solvable problem, but the WFP can’t do it alone,” says Elise Bijon.
“One in seven people still suffers from hunger. There is no way for a child to grow and learn on an empty stomach. No way for communities that are victims of conflicts or natural disasters, who are too busy looking for food, to plan and improve their future. Building a better world necessarily passes through the fight against hunger, which should be everyone’s fight,” she points out. 
According to Elise, solutions exist, but they need funds to be implemented. 
“The WFP’s programmes aimed at preventing hunger are successfully run around the world, but they also need money to be sustained until supported communities become sufficiently autonomous and food secure,” she points out. 
“Cash donations are preferred as they enable WFP to plan its procurement and logistics operations in a cost-effective way and deliver the appropriate food aid faster and better, at low cost.”
She says that companies eager to support the fight against hunger as part of their CSR strategy can contact the WFP team to explore possible partnership opportunities in line with their focus areas of interest — they can choose the programme and the country/region that they wish to support.

Innovative partnerships

“In the UAE, we have created innovative and flexible partnerships with the private sector — i.e. companies, individual donors, artists, students, etc. — to give a voice to the hungry, support humanitarian work and save lives,” noted Elise. 
The WFP’s Global Vehicle Fleet is also centrally managed in Dubai, with purchase, maintenance and training services available to WFP Country Offices and the entire humanitarian community. 
Chances are that the UN white 4x4 cars you may see on television are actually coming from Dubai.
The WFP Dubai Office also serves as a base for the Fast IT Intervention Team (FITTEST), which takes the lead in setting up IT and telecoms infrastructure during emergencies as part of WFP’s role as the lead agency of the Emergency Telecommunications Cluster. 
Most WFP activities in the UAE are also actively supported and partnered by the Red Crescent Authority (RCA). The WFP is the world’s largest humanitarian agency fighting hunger worldwide. Each year, on average, WFP feeds more than 90 million people in more than 70 countries. 
In emergencies, WFP gets food to people who need it the most, saving the lives of mothers and children and of victims of conflict and natural disasters. 
How your money can help
Dh1 = one school meal
Dhs5 = one schoolchild in need fed for a whole week
Dhs200 = one schoolchild fed for an entire year + monthly take-home rations of food for the family. 
http://www.gulftoday.ae/portal/e4a6dff7-c3d5-45ad-aaeb-b7f298425f42.aspx 

Age no bar

“What is that we humans do at the same time?” asked a colleague.

“Breathing,” I replied instantly.

“OK. Now I stop breathing,” he started his yoga.

“We are all rotating along with the earth,” answered an intelligent colleague.

“Not the answer I am looking for,” he replied.

After much persuasion, he declared, “We all get old together.”

 The moment he mentioned old, he gave me a sheepish look.
“Hey, I'm not 50. I'm 20 with 30 years’ experience,” I joked.

Age is clearly in the mind.

Just yesterday, a friend attending the Public Relations World Congress in Dubai informed me about PR pioneer Harold Burson, 91, who has spent 65 years in the industry.

Citing his example, I said, “See. So many such achievers break age barriers. Life begins at 40.”

“Ya, life not only begins at 40, it begins to show,” he replied, pointing at my bulging tummy.