Sharpen skills or stagnate

(Posted for my records- The Executive Qatar)

Hard to digest: Kids play spoilsport

 A family visiting an Italian restaurant in California was pleasantly surprised when the bill arrived: A huge discount for the three well-behaved children.

How nice! Those three children must be an exception.

Well-behaved kids in a restaurant! I wish they were in a majority.

Last week, I visited a food outlet with a friend and we wanted to discuss something serious about his credit card problem.

“Could you lend me some money?” he started when two children began screaming next to our table.

“Money?” I was embarrassed to say “no,” but could not say “yes” either.

In that momentary dilemma, the screaming continued.

“Shhh,” I tried to tell one child, when his mom gave me a nasty look.

Afraid, I turned my attention to my friend.

There was no respite. I looked at the mom again, pleadingly.

She passed on the look of an eagle waiting to prick my eye.

We got up and moved to the last table.

“Yes,” we started the conversation, when blaring music started playing on the stereo.

I was wondering how to say “no” to my friend when his phone buzzed.

“I have to rush. Catch you later buddy,” he picked up his bag.

While leaving the restaurant, I looked at the mom again and smiled.

But she retained her “eagle look.”

Talking of restaurants, I am sure you have heard this joke:

Two guys enter a restaurant and order tea. They then pick up their sandwich and start eating. “You cannot eat your own snacks here,” warned the manager. “Okay,” they say exchanging the sandwich with each other. 

Sugar, you are not sweet

Sugar seems to be turning bitter for many.

Most of the guests that I prepare coffee for warn me: “No sugar please.”

Last week, when my best friend dropped in and I offered a cup of coffee, she replied, “270.”

I did not understand.

“That’s my sugar level. Give me without sugar.”

Another guest told us, “no potato, no banana...” The list was scary.

In contrast, sugar per capita consumption is skyrocketing. According to figures available on the Internet, in 1800, it was 18 pounds of sugar per year. In 1900, the average person consumed 90 pounds of sugar per year. From four teaspoons a day in 1990, it has now reached 22 teaspoons today.

“Exercise seems to be the only remedy,” I told a friend.

“Do not remind me about exercises,” he pleaded.

“Why?”

“My wife wanted an expensive treadmill at home for running exercise,” he said.

“That’s great news,” I cheered.

“Now I am running after her pleading with her to use it.”

Language misuse

I was walking leisurely when a person approached me.

“Do you know where the HK bank is?”

Before I could think, he continued: “This is Wahda Street, right?”

“Ye,” I did not complete the word when he queried, “That parallel road is JAN Street?”

He then pointed out a building at a distance and asked, “Do you see that blue skyscraper?”

“Yes.”

 “Next to that - the yellow building. That must be the bank.” Saying so, he moved off.

I wondered whether I was the one looking for the bank.

The other day a similar incident happened.

A person asked me whether I knew where a restaurant was.

When I blinked, his partner mentioned in Tamil, “What a fool you asked. Look how he is blinking!” He apparently did not guess that I knew Tamil.

However, he is not the only culprit when it comes to language misuse.

I was in a taxi in Mumbai with my wife when I muttered to her in Tamil, “This driver will get an award for slow driving.”

Obviously, I had presumed he did not know the language.

He turned and remarked, “You want me to reach your destination or final destination?”

Driving women nuts

Women who are alone while hiring taxis seem to face an awkward situation: The invasive glance through the front mirror and personal questions from the driver.

My wife takes out a book when she travels alone in a taxi, another friend brings out her make-up kit, my Lankan friend starts knitting, but many  newcomers learn to deal with the situation the hard way.

A comparatively new friend of mine hired a taxi last week. The moment she mentioned the destination and the vehicle started moving, the driver started asking personal questions.

“Are you alone? Where are you working? Is the salary enough?”

Her reply was just “Hmmm.,” to all the questions, but what she could not take was the last question.

“You are pretty. Will you marry me?”

“Are you going to stop the vehicle now or I ring up the police?” she asked in a tough tone.

The questions stopped.

But not all drivers behave in that disgraceful manner.

The same girl had a pleasant experience too. Seeing her in a distressed situation, a taxi driver enquired about her well-being.

When she said she was new to the country and had crushed her finger in a car door, he not only directed her to a doctor but also offered to skip her taxi fare. She insisted that he take the fare, after thanking him.

Oooff, what a world of contradictions.

   

‘Talking’ plants

When I pressed the doorbell of my friend, I could hear his angry voice inside the room. “I give you two days, you fool. I want you to grow fast.”

I was stunned. However, when he opened the door, he was all smiles.

“Whom were you shouting at?”

He laughed and replied, “I heard that if we hurl abuses at our plants, they grow faster.”

“Give them water, not abuses,” I advised him.

Interestingly, new research suggests that plants communicate with each other with “clicking” noises. Scientists at Bristol University used powerful loudspeakers to listen to corn saplings – and heard clicking sounds coming from their roots.

When I mentioned this to my friend, he asked, “You mean our plants spy on us and comment also?”

“Yes.”

He turned to his wife. “You better stop arguments at home or the plants may pass comments about you.”

“I can do that if you start listening to me,” she replied.

“Come on, do not start it all over again,” he began.

I looked at the plants.

“There they go again,” I heard them whispering.  

Peanut for monkeys

As soon as I entered office my colleague remarked, “I heard you before I saw you.”

I thanked my stars. When my dad entered his office, people even from the neighbouring buildings could hear his loud voice.

It is like the elephants of Tamil Nadu that had bells hanging around their necks. The bell sound reached the streets before the elephant made its presence.

“That does not make you an elephant. You will always remain a monkey,” joked my another colleague.

“Thanks brother,” I replied.

Talking of monkeys, I am reminded of a peanut joke.

A boy opened a sachet of peanuts when a monkey grabbed the pack, relished the nuts and laughed at him. The boy slowly picked up another sachet. As the monkey stared at him, he munched gleefully and murmured, “Peanut for you, cashew for me.”

Cheer…2013's here

Sending positive vibes and wishes to everyone visiting this blog: Let 2013 bring good health, peace and prosperity to you. Some blog buddies have been of tremendous help, motivating me personally and professionally. Thanks. I am sure our bond will strengthen further in the coming years. Stay connected. Love you guys and gals.