Strange stranger

I remembered Husain, my college classmate, after all these years. That bum used to appear suddenly from nowhere, beat me alarmingly from behind and laugh. That was his way of showing affection.
And why did I remember him suddenly?
I was walking on the corniche when I saw this man.
He went off instantly, “Hey boy. Haven’t met for months. How you doing?”
Who is he? My baffled mind switched on the “search” mode. After two minutes “No result.” Obviously, he had mistaken me for some other friend.
“Hiiii,” I put on a plastic smile and asked, “So how’s family?”
“Hey. You know we got separated,” he replied with a grim face.
Holy God. How am I to know that.
“Sorry man,” I kept the drama alive.
Luckily he also floundered.
“Anyway, how is your son?” he asked.
Son. When did I get a son? As far as I know I have two daughters.
“Hey. My daughters are fine ya,” I tried to wriggle out.
“C Ya,” he escaped at last looking behind three times to confirm that he had confronted a mad man.
Ya. Why did I remember Husain?
This donkey held my hand so tight during the entire conversation - just like Husain would do - I could not wriggle out despite invoking my fitness gurus Bruce Lee, Arnold Schwarzneggar and Putin.

No dearth of philosophy

“I crushed a cockroach yesterday. I did not feel any remorse. But suddenly I remembered how bad I felt when I had maimed a butterfly innocently during my childhood. Is it coz a butterfly is more beautiful than cockroach? Is not life the same holy spirit in whatever body it hides? asked close friend Subbu.
“Did you notice? When we were kids, people used to hug us, pinch on our cheeks and shower affection. We are the same now. Same names, parents. How come no one behaves the same way? asked buddy Ansar Salim.
“People always spring a surprise,” said Shaadaab. “When I lost my Kolkata college election by a slender margin and was sitting forlorn in the canteen, a guy dropped in. I always thought he would never vote for me. But he came and said, ‘sorry comrade. Voted for you expecting your victory. Anyway.’”
God. I am surrounded by philosophers.
Your friend Global Madrasi also needs to philosophize then, right?
OK, shot a missive to Faiyaz. “Don’t chase happiness buddy. It will be elusive. Instead, find a way to drive away unhappiness. That’s easier. Just like putting on a switch will drive away darkness. Lighting up your spirit can drive away your mental blocks.”
Hehe, great philosophy eh?!!

Ferocity is short-lived

A close friend, an Internet freak, was shooting questions.
* Do you know mosquitoes have 47 teeth?
“Nope,” I replied.
He went on.
“No two zebras have stripes that are exactly alike. A giraffe’s kick is so powerful that it can decapitate a lion. At least do you know that a hippopotamus can run faster than a man?
“Shut up, don’t make me feel that I do not know anything,” I fumed and continued: “I know about tigers which I heard from Shaadaab. Tigers do not attack face to face, but from behind. In order to avert tiger attacks, some forest rangers wear masks behind their head to mislead them. Tigers also stink a lot. And I know about lions also because I am a lion myself. A lion’s roar can be heard five miles away.”
“But why do you get angry? Like tigers’, your ferocity also should be shortlived,” my friend replied.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, you don’t know tigers do not live for more than 15 or 20 years.”
I felt I had grown a tail after this conversation.

Punches can’t knock you down

Memories fade, but never lie. 1982. I finished my PGD in Journalism and was hunting for a job in Chennai. The Hindu, Indian Express showed the door. I went to The Times of India Mumbai and made my career.
But the beginning days. The Mail was a 100-year plus eveninger of British times. Its chief reporter told me, “We are shutting. Work as a reporter for three months. No pay but I will send you to cover celebrity events. Enjoy.”
One day, I was assigned to cover a girl’s school event. I was thrilled. The school opposite my New College. But without reporting experience, I was naïve. I entered the school feeling like a celebrity and was floored by the variety of North Indian girls. And the royal treatment given by the organizers. I was on the stage where cups were lined up. I was writing down each and every word they spoke. “Oh, this cup, oh oh...!” When I was introduced to the girls, I was floating in the air.
Age boss, age.
I returned to the office, gave them four written pages of what I had noted down.
“Good boy,” Chief Reporter Mr Menon patted me.
Next day, when I opened the paper, I saw a four-line brief report without my name.
What a punch. I can tell you buddies. Don’t give up if you get knocked once in a while. It actually helps.
Today if I can smile, it’s because of those punches.

Thy name is hospitality

I can’t believe this ya. She rang up to say we will meet at a mall around lunch time. I was damn hungry. I reached there and was glad to see her at the food court. I told her I will pick up some fried rice for her.
“I will go and pick it up myself,” she replied and vanished.
“Wow, at least some sponsor,” my crooked mind murmured.
She returned with a chicken burger, French fries and Pepsi.
“I am a veggie,” I said.
“Sure you don’t mind my eating,” she questioned.
“No hassle,” I replied.
Grrr. My tummy was hissing. And then I noticed she had started munching.
The burger was gone, the fries were being gulped in seconds and all through there was not a word of “Take it.”
Shucks. I literally watched the glutton celebrating her lunch.
I had to rush alone to a nearby restaurant after she finished her “business discussion” and moved off.
Thy name is hospitality, my friend.
Just remembered. I and my wife were climbing the stairs to our fifth floor Mumbai house. At the third floor, Mr S stopped us. How can you go without having tea? He literally dragged us into his house, when I noticed his wife signaling to him “no milk at home.” He was a jobless man and had a handicapped daughter.
Strange world.

What a guy boss

This is my 300th post and hence thought should write about someone inspiring and full of wisdom. So thought of my darling Socrates.
Just a few points. In 399 BC, this guy said “Don’t take soup. It will invigorate hunger and force you to eat junk food.”
When a friend took Socrates to his shop and said, “Take anything. All yours,” Socrates replied: “Wow, so much I can do without.”
When he was chatting with his friends, his wife poured a bucket of water on him. “Give her a slap,” said his friends. “I will not offer you the pleasure of watching a drama,” replied our hero.
OK, some Socrates quotes:
* An honest man is always a child.
* Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.
* Beware the barrenness of a busy life.
* By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
* Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
* False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil.
* He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature.
* I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Smart, smarter, smartest

(Photo Thanks: Nisham)
(This photo taken on my outdated mobile)
It’s raining cats and dogs in Sharjah. I have to cross a subway to reach office. When I got to the subway, I was stunned to see it filled with knee-deep water.
Some smart Keralites and Bangladeshis were using mall trolleys to ferry people from one end to other. Just that they charged Dhs5 for the ride.
Some other office goers were smarter. They picked up plastic covers lying all around, covered their shoes and started moving.
Your friend has to be smartest, right? I looked around, picked my shoes and socks, merrily walked across looking at others like Mr Bean would.
Once on the other side of the subway, I sat on the railings, put on my socks and shoes with thorough contentment.
When I got up to move on, it happened. That damn truck which was speeding across splashed such dirty water on my shirt, I can still feel the stink.

Happy Holi

Holi (referred to as Phagwa in Bhojpuri), also called the Festival of Colours, is a popular Hindu spring festival observed in India, Suriname, Guyana, Trinidad, the UK,and Nepal. In West Bengal of India and Bangladesh, it is known as Dolyatra (Doljatra) or Boshonto Utsav ("spring festival"). (Thanks Wikipedia)